My partner rises before dawn, catching a 5 a.m. train to the city where he dedicates himself to teaching high school English. When he returns home, I usually hand off our two energetic boys to him while I finish preparing dinner. After we eat and tidy up, I retreat to our bedroom to work, leaving him to get the kids into their pajamas and help them wind down for the night.
He sounds like a pretty great guy, right? I mean, I find him incredibly attractive, and seeing him as a devoted father only adds to that. But here’s the best part: this hardworking man doesn’t stop parenting when the sun sets. He’s right there to help with nighttime needs, and he always has been.
Our kids aren’t the best sleepers, and nighttime disturbances are pretty common. Whether it’s a baby needing to be rocked, a toddler asking for another sip of water, or a child dealing with nightmares, my partner steps up when the kids need us, just as much as I do.
And you know what? This shouldn’t be remarkable at all. Yes, it makes me appreciate him even more, but let’s be clear: all dads should pitch in during the night. If you’ve brought a child into this world, adopted one, or are responsible for their care in any form, there’s absolutely no excuse for one parent to take a backseat when it comes to nighttime responsibilities.
I’ve heard the usual justifications: “He works so hard; he needs his rest.” I get it, but guess what? You’re working hard too—whether you work from home, stay at home, or juggle both. You’re tired as well. So why is it that the fathers often get a pass when it comes to nighttime duties?
This dynamic is rooted in sexism. It’s frustrating to witness even in the most progressive households. Many men feel entitled to a break from nighttime parenting, while some women inadvertently support this attitude, believing they should bear the brunt of nighttime fatigue.
I understand that infants and toddlers often prefer their moms at night. My nursing babies frequently sought me out, and I accepted that. However, for diaper changes, offering water, tending to illnesses, or dealing with those bizarre nights when babies are wide awake for no reason, my partner took charge.
Had we not shared the nighttime responsibilities, I might have collapsed from exhaustion—or worse, our relationship could have suffered significantly.
I know my partner is not unique; many fathers recognize that parenting is a round-the-clock commitment and willingly contribute. However, there are also plenty of dads who make it clear they have no intention of helping.
To those dads, let me be blunt: That’s unacceptable. And to the moms who tolerate this behavior, it’s time to advocate for yourselves. Parenting is challenging and draining, and while some parents are blessed with great sleepers, others face long nights. The duty of caring for the kids during those sleepless hours should not fall solely to those who identify as women.
The truth is, if fathers step up and help during the night, they not only foster deeper connections with their children but also contribute to a happier, more rested partner—who is less likely to feel overwhelmed or frustrated.
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In summary, fathers must be more engaged in nighttime parenting duties. This shared responsibility not only benefits the kids but also strengthens the family unit as a whole.