A collection of color-coded paperwork rests on my kitchen counter, a reminder that I have just a couple of weeks to complete and submit it. My youngest son is set to start kindergarten, marking a significant milestone for our family of four boys. Initially, I found myself bracing for this change, grappling with the thought of no more little ones at home. The realization that they are all beginning to carve out their own paths took some adjustment, but as I dive into the paperwork, I’m starting to envision a world of new possibilities.
It seems I’m not alone in recognizing that a new chapter is unfolding for both me and our family. I’ve lost count of how many friends, family members, and even casual acquaintances have asked, “So, what’s next for you?” This question often sends me into a flurry of uncertainty. I find myself mentioning that I might volunteer more at school or perhaps explore becoming a substitute teacher—options that provide the flexibility I need while still being involved.
As I fumble through my responses, I’m met with nods of understanding. Yes, this is the expected path for mothers once their little ones begin school. We’re all familiar with the idea of joining the PTA, hosting playdates, or organizing festive school events.
While I recognize the value in these activities, I must confess that I don’t foresee myself engaging in them regularly. I do intend to increase my volunteer efforts—aiming for twice a month, which is a step up from my current commitment. However, the idea of becoming a substitute teacher doesn’t excite me.
Instead, I’ve set my sights on a cozy coffee shop near the school, where I can focus on pursuing my writing aspirations. Yet, when questioned about how I plan to fill my newfound time, I hesitate to share this ambition.
Part of my reluctance stems from a fear of failure; if my writing doesn’t pan out, I’d rather not have my entire support network witnessing it. But there’s also an underlying expectation that, after dedicating a decade to motherhood, my role should shift to one of continued selflessness. The unspoken belief seems to be that now that my children are in school, I should prioritize volunteering or securing a traditional job.
Over the past ten years, I’ve navigated the challenges of motherhood—pregnancy, nursing, and managing various activities for my children. It has been a tremendous privilege, but it’s also been one of the most challenging periods of my life. I’ve managed to carve out occasional moments to write, but before motherhood, my goal was to be a full-time writer. With all my kids finally in school, I now have the chance to pursue that dream more seriously.
I admire those who find their fulfillment in supporting our schools and the incredible teachers who shape our children’s experiences. Their contributions are invaluable and deserving of recognition. However, I firmly believe that turning these acts of service into an unspoken expectation for mothers not only creates a breeding ground for guilt and shame but also perpetuates harmful stereotypes.
The narrative often suggests that women can be ambitious and have dreams—until they become mothers. While I acknowledge that children change our lives, we need to shift the conversation. We shouldn’t imply that a mother’s path is solely about nurturing and sacrificing once she has children. Women can pursue their dreams, take risks, and explore opportunities, even if it means stepping away from traditional roles.
I’m telling my sons a different story, one that empowers them to see women as ambitious and capable of pursuing their passions.
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In summary, as my children embark on their school journey, I see this as an opportunity to reclaim my aspirations, redefine my identity, and pursue my passions without guilt or hesitation.