My son is a redhead, or as we affectionately call it in our home, an “orangehead.” His hair features strands that shimmer like sunlit sand tucked among rich copper tones. When I run my fingers through his hair, it’s mesmerizing, akin to gazing into a tiger’s eye.
Shortly after his birth, a college friend with a similar hair hue looked down with a frown and remarked, “He’s got the curse.” My husband and I exchanged bewildered glances; we had always envisioned a lively brood of kids sporting russet curls. Our friend’s comment, though, hinted at a difficult experience growing up. At the time, we dismissed it, thinking he must have faced other challenges.
Now, we understand.
Every time my son steps outside without a hat, strangers feel compelled to comment. Often, multiple adults engage him with remarks such as:
- “Wow! Look at that hair.”
- “Careful, you’re gonna be trouble.”
- “You are so red! Hey there, Red.”
- “Fiery little guy, huh? I bet you get mad.”
- “A ginger!”
- “That hair is just too much!”
- “Hey, carrot top! Did you eat a bag of carrots?”
- “Redheads dance with the devil.”
While I recognize that people mean well and are often captivated by his hair, my son does not see their delight. Their comments can be overwhelming, and he sometimes interprets them as negative, making him feel that he and his hair are somehow “too much.” The simple statement “Your hair is so red” may seem harmless, but the repeated focus without genuine praise causes him to lower his head in uncertainty.
Heeding our friend’s warning, I took proactive steps early on. Once he turned two, I began to intervene in these conversations. When someone would call him “a ginger,” I would respond enthusiastically, “Yes, isn’t it just beautiful hair?” If someone joked about him being trouble, I’d clarify, “No, he’s a kind and helpful boy.” Most people quickly recognized their mistake and joined in on the praise, but I felt it was still not enough.
There are very few positive representations of red-haired boys in media. While redheaded girls face their own stereotypes, they often have a few positive images to balance the negativity. Unfortunately, boys are not afforded the same privilege. The antagonistic characters in picture books often sport fiery hair, and even beloved stories sometimes miss the mark. Adult male models rarely feature redheads in a positive light, and when they do appear, they are frequently portrayed as foolish.
I began to wonder what we could do to help him feel proud of his unique hair. Then, ESPN released a game-changing cover featuring Andy Dalton. He was depicted as strong and confident, with his vibrant red hair showcased proudly. This portrayal was a refreshing departure from the usual stereotypes.
I brought the magazine home and casually placed it in the kitchen, knowing that sometimes indirect lessons work best. “Look at this guy!” I remarked to a friend seated nearby. “Many people think he’s really cool and handsome.” My son leaned in, intrigued but quiet.
Over the following days, I left the magazine around, letting it catch his eye without further commentary. Finally, days later, he approached me with the magazine in hand, asking, “Mommy, do you think this man’s hair is handsome?” I responded affirmatively, and a radiant smile spread across his face—a wave of relief and newfound confidence washed over him.
Thank you, ESPN!
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In summary, I learned that fostering pride in my son’s red hair required both proactive engagement and leveraging positive representations in media. By addressing comments and highlighting role models, we can help children embrace their unique traits with assurance.