Having been married for over 11 years, I’ve encountered an avalanche of marriage advice. Most of it was sweet and sentimental, with some focusing on intimacy and treating one another right. However, very little addressed the peculiarities, mundane moments, and, let’s be honest, the gross aspects of sharing your life with someone. Here’s a compilation of realities I wish I had known before embarking on this journey. For those just starting or still navigating the waters, I hope this offers some insight.
- Most marital disputes revolve around laundry, finances, and who’s responsible for cleaning the toilet.
- At some point after getting engaged and signing a mortgage, couples start leaving the bathroom door wide open while using it.
- Loading the dishwasher can feel like an intelligence test in marriage.
- True love is often found in the small acts, like popping that annoying pimple on your partner’s back.
- After kids enter the picture, sleep becomes a valuable currency, traded for everything from chores to intimacy.
- Married men frequently keep images of feminine hygiene products on their phones to avoid purchasing the wrong items.
- Family calendars include soccer practice, menstrual cycles, and intimacy, with euphemisms like “Funkytown” for sex and “Aunt Flo” for periods.
- Couples can somehow argue over directions while speeding down the highway at 75 mph.
- A husband can emit such a foul odor that his wife might need to step outside, yet he’ll still ask for intimacy afterward.
- Handing your spouse toilet paper through the bathroom door is a bizarre yet real aspect of partnership.
- You learn a lot about your partner’s habits when doing laundry, including how thoroughly they clean.
- There’s often a silent competition between spouses over which child favors them more.
- Just when you think you’ve married someone exceptional, they might do something like eat a bowl of expired cottage cheese and then ask why it smells bad.
- A husband may never grasp why a wife insists on the toilet seat being down until he has a rude awakening at 3 a.m.
- In contemporary marriage, ensuring your partner looks good in photos before posting online is crucial.
- Couples might share everything, except their toothbrushes.
- Intimacy often begins with simply laying out a towel on the bed.
- One spouse may be on a diet while the other indulges in pizza.
- A significant percentage of divorces can be traced back to disagreements over small blankets.
- Married couples have special towels and sheets for guests, which are strictly off-limits to family members.
- Assembling furniture from Ikea should come with complimentary marriage counseling.
- Imagining your spouse with an extra 45 pounds is part of long-term commitment.
- Eventually, lingerie becomes less appealing, with couples simply happy to be naked together.
- Seducing your wife might just involve letting her sleep in on a weekend or surprising her with brownies.
- A large portion of marriage involves texting back-and-forth about dinner choices.
- Trust issues often arise over who devoured the last brownie.
- Couples frequently find themselves watching their partner sleep, a mix of endearing and somewhat bizarre.
This list is by no means exhaustive; there’s much more to uncover. However, understanding these truths can prepare you for the delightful oddities that come with marriage.
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Summary: Marriage is a unique journey filled with unexpected truths. From mundane disagreements to intimate moments, understanding these realities can help couples navigate their lives together more effectively.