Mornings at my home can be quite chaotic. With three daughters ranging from preschool to high school, there’s always a flurry of activity as we scramble to prepare breakfast, pack lunches, locate missing socks, and ensure homework is ready—all while trying to exchange a polite “good morning.” Add in the stress of a bad hair day, anxiety over an upcoming test, or the typical teenage moodiness, and the simplest remark from me can send my already sensitive teenage daughter into a tailspin.
“Your ride will be here in about five minutes,” I call from the kitchen, striving to maintain a calm tone despite the growing sense of urgency.
“Don’t you think I know what time it is?” she snaps from her room. I stand there, slicing apples, feeling both frustrated and hurt. Just three minutes later, she rushes out, hastily grabs her lunch, and slings her heavy backpack over her shoulder. There’s no “Thank you, Mom,” nor any eye contact—just a quick “whatever” as she heads out the door.
I suppress my irritation and call after her, “OK, bye then.” She gives me a flippant smirk as she leaves. This is not the start to the day I envisioned.
Interestingly, it seems she isn’t thrilled about it either. At 10:37 a.m., right in the middle of her third period, I receive a text: “sry mom.”
I’m thankful she reached out after our rocky morning. The only downside is that texting during school isn’t allowed, especially during class. I briefly ponder how she’s managing to sneak in a message—Is her phone tucked under the desk? Is she using her muted laptop?—but I quickly dismiss the thought. While I don’t often initiate communication during school hours unless necessary, I can’t overlook this chance to connect with her.
I reply: “Me too. Everything okay?”
Moments later, I see that she’s typing. When her response arrives, she opens up about what’s troubling her, beyond my well-meaning reminders. I acknowledge her feelings and express the understanding I couldn’t show earlier in the moment. We agree to discuss it more when she returns home. Our exchange ends with a kissy face emoji from me and her Bitmoji giving two thumbs up. While the issue isn’t fully resolved, at least we’ve started talking.
In the realm of texting, we find common ground. Instead of creating distance, as it often does when we’re both physically present yet glued to our screens, texting feels like a cozy blanket that allows us to lower our defenses and be more candid than we might be face-to-face. It gives us both the opportunity to express ourselves without interruptions or the distracting body language that can convey irritation and frustration.
For many parents in their 40s, navigating digital communication is a double-edged sword—an invaluable tool yet a persistent distraction. While we often seek to unplug, our children are fully immersed in a digital world—texting, Snapchat, Google Hangouts, Instagram—these platforms form their social fabric, where they connect, plan, study, and explore their identities.
As a parent of a teenager, disregarding technology as a means of communication seems like a missed chance. The traditional ways of connecting that worked so well in her childhood are fading as she grows. Though we still manage to have heart-to-heart talks or cozy chats now and then, they are becoming less frequent. This is how it should be, as she shifts toward young adulthood and her peers take center stage. I’ve transitioned from being her best friend to more of a supportive figure, yet I refuse to accept silence between us. I’m eager to find new ways to connect, and texting her—even during school—is among them.
My reminder about the time was intended to be helpful. Through our exchanges, she clarified that my words made her feel like I didn’t trust her to manage her own schedule. In turn, I expressed that her response had hurt my feelings. Texting allowed us both the time and space to listen and be heard, paving the way for a constructive conversation later on. For me, maintaining a strong and honest relationship with my daughter during these formative teenage years is crucial, even if it necessitates bending the rules occasionally.
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Summary:
Navigating mornings with a teenager can be challenging, but text messages from school provide an unexpected connection. While traditional communication may wane as children grow, embracing digital interaction can foster understanding and intimacy. By engaging through texts, parents can maintain vital connections, even when rules are bent.