I have two wonderful children, a son and a daughter, who complete my family in the most delightful way. They are the peanut butter to my jelly, and I wouldn’t trade my role as their mother for anything—well, maybe not even for a night out with Ryan Gosling and a pile of cash (though that might come close).
When my partner and I first talked about starting a family, we agreed on having two children. This decision was rooted in a mix of common beliefs and personal experiences. With just two kids, they wouldn’t have the chance to form a duo against us. They could either entertain each other or play solo. Plus, two is a neat number—two parents, two children, ensuring everyone gets individual attention. We both grew up in families of four, and perhaps most importantly, two kids fit comfortably in a standard car—no minivan required! The absence of a minivan allows me to maintain a shred of my pre-kid coolness.
Our daughter arrived first, and just two years later, our son joined the family. However, after my son’s birth, I began to feel a tug at my heart. I found myself longing for a third child. One evening, I broached the topic with my partner, expecting resistance. To my surprise, he shared my feelings.
I always thought that when our family felt complete, we would just know. Other parents seemed so certain: “Nope, we’re done after this one!” they would exclaim, often looking both tired and relieved. But here I am, caught in uncertainty. What if I choose to stop at two and later regret not expanding our family? I doubt I’d ever regret having another child. I can’t imagine many mothers saying, “I wish we hadn’t had little Tommy; he’s just a nuisance!”
We discuss the possibility of another child on days when our kids are well-behaved, and we laugh off the idea when they’re mischief incarnate. We might have even tossed around some baby names during a tipsy dinner date. Yet, as time goes by and that window of opportunity begins to close, my thoughts grow heavier. The advantages of welcoming another child are numerous, but it’s the concerns that keep me awake at night.
Here are the top five reasons I’m not currently expecting:
- Health Concerns
With the alarming rise of the Zika virus, which is linked to serious birth defects like microcephaly, my anxiety spikes. Though pregnant women can take precautions, my overactive mind would likely have me living in a bubble, surrounded by citronella candles and mosquito repellent. - Political Climate
Regardless of political affiliation, it’s hard to ignore the anxiety that comes with the current presidential race. The thought of raising a newborn in such a tumultuous environment is daunting, especially if I consider relocating to another country depending on the election outcome. - First-Year Stress
The challenges of a baby’s first year are overwhelming. There’s an endless list of worries: Are they gaining enough weight? Are they developing normally? Is it normal for them to look like that? Sleep deprivation, constant doctor visits, and daycare concerns make for a stressful time. My husband can attest to my heightened anxiety during this period. - Maternity Leave
As a working mom, planning for another child means meticulously saving up leave time, akin to being featured on a hoarding show. The reality is I might still fall short when it comes to covering those essential prenatal appointments and the necessary maternity leave. Who wants to juggle a new baby with financial worries? - Childcare Dilemmas
I’m blessed with a fantastic childcare provider, but no one can care for my children like I do. After spending months getting to know my baby’s quirks—how they prefer to be held, their feeding habits, and what their little sneezes mean—I know that transitioning back to work is tough for any mom. The thought of leaving my child with someone else is heart-wrenching.
So there you have it: my fears, however irrational they may seem. I could probably navigate most of these concerns with some therapy and maybe a little medication. Except for that Zika virus—no thank you! (Are there even mosquitoes in Alaska? I might just consider moving there.)
I’m not sure if our family is complete. Perhaps it will all unfold as it’s meant to. For now, I’ll focus on enjoying the chaos of parenting while indulging in some Paw Patrol and dress-up play. Living in the moment truly is one of the best parts of this journey.
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