Dear Little One,
Though I may have worn T-shirts longer than you’ve been alive, your three brief years have equipped you with a wealth of knowledge. Just ask, and you’re ready to deliver your strong-willed opinions on everything from pronunciations to the weather. You’ve never been wrong in your eyes—your wisdom flows like a river, generously shared with those fortunate enough to orbit your world, particularly your devoted parents. Here’s a glimpse of what you’ve taught me:
- “Dog” is spelled “C-F-H,” and any challenge to that will not go unpunished.
- Toast is strictly off-limits for cutting into triangles—unless you suddenly prefer triangles.
- Dandelions are undeniably flowers, regardless of their state after being blown.
- The concept of “too cold for pants” is nonexistent in your universe.
- You are emphatically not a baby.
- Tucking shoelace ends into shoes counts as tying them. And you can do it solo!
- Running out of string cheese or yogurt tubes results in catastrophic consequences.
- My food, no matter its nature, is always tastier than what you have on your plate.
- Exploring what fits down the toilet is endlessly entertaining—except for poop, which is much better suited for other locations.
- This side of the bed? It’s all yours. And the other side, too. Also, the pillows and most of the blanket.
- My hands and purse are perfectly acceptable receptacles for your discarded food and trash.
- Crackers are officially a food group.
- “Sleeping in” is a myth, unless we have an early commitment, then you’re dead to the world and waking you is a nightmare.
- Target aisles are prime tantrum territory.
- If you need something, it’s an immediate necessity—regardless of where I am.
- Walks are delightful for about two minutes before they turn into “carries.”
- Your meals must be served in the specific dishes you demand—or else.
- Your preferences change faster than a blink, and everyone must adjust accordingly.
- No height is too challenging to scale, especially if snacks are suspected nearby.
- You can survive solely on Goldfish crackers for days—until I buy them in bulk, at which point they are suddenly “yucky.”
- After a disrupted nap, avoiding direct eye contact is wise.
- Just before leaving the house is the ideal moment for a surprise poop—after coats are zipped, shoes tied, and keys in hand.
- Your concern for my schedule is nonexistent.
- All injuries require a Band-Aid—even the ones invisible to the eye.
- You will sleep through almost anything—except the rustling of late-night snacks or when your parents are being intimate.
- “You’ve seen this episode a million times” is irrelevant; there’s always time for a repeat.
- From your throne in the backseat, you know the way to every destination.
- Logic is not your forte.
- Chicken nuggets must come in animal or dinosaur shapes.
- When it comes to attire, everything goes with everything—caped, rain boots, and tutus are all suitable for public outings.
You may embody many traits, dear toddler, but being reasonable is not one of them. The quicker we recognize this, the better off we’ll all be, as the consequences of your displeasure are not to be trifled with. Your adorableness, with those chubby cheeks and pudgy fingers, can almost make up for the challenges you bring… almost.
With love,
Maya
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Summary:
This article humorously explores the lessons learned from a toddler’s perspective, highlighting their unique logic and opinions. From the necessity of Band-Aids for invisible injuries to the importance of specific food presentations, the insights reflect the whimsical yet challenging world of parenting a toddler.