I was just 15 years old when I experienced my first panic attack. A friend and I were walking home when, without warning, I collapsed on the ground, unable to communicate, walk, or even breathe. My vision blurred and narrowed; my hands trembled. In that moment, I was convinced I was dying. My friend rushed to get my parents, who drove the short distance to find me curled up against a tree in a fetal position. That night was spent in tears, vomiting, and hyperventilating as I endured one of the most intense attacks of my life.
In the following months, I had two more terrifying incidents where neighbors found me in distress and rushed me to the hospital. Each time, the emergency room doctors assured me I was fine, but I felt anything but. I was grappling with an anxiety disorder, and it was a struggle I would face for years to come.
Panic has woven itself into the fabric of my life. I’ve sought therapy and tried various mood-stabilizing medications. While some strategies help prevent these attacks, nothing offers me relief like cannabis does.
I turn to marijuana when stressors in my life become overwhelming. There are months when I might use it daily, while other times I can go six months without needing it. However, as I age and my body reacts differently to pharmaceuticals, I’ve found myself relying on cannabis more frequently for various issues.
For instance, traditional painkillers heighten my anxiety, so I use marijuana to manage discomfort from back and shoulder injuries. Sleep medications leave me groggy and often induce nightmares, but cannabis allows me a restful night without those side effects. It has become a miraculous solution for my medical challenges, something that no other treatment seems to alleviate. As a functional adult juggling the roles of parent, spouse, and professional, my use of marijuana has increased since my college days.
I utilize a device known as a “one hitter,” allowing me to take just a couple of puffs to address anxiety, pain, or insomnia. On particularly tough days, I might use it up to three times to cope with both anxiety and discomfort.
Acquiring my cannabis is a thoughtful process; medical marijuana was recently legalized in my state but remains out of reach for many, including myself. I have friends who help me obtain it from states where it’s legally available. I don’t associate with drug dealers—my life revolves around my responsibilities as a work-from-home mom with three young children.
When people discover that I use marijuana for medicinal purposes, their reactions are typically understanding. I explain, “I have a panic disorder, and marijuana helps manage my anxiety attacks.” The people around me value my health and emotional well-being, so they support my choice, even if they occasionally express concerns about its legal status.
I intend to apply for a medical marijuana license as soon as it becomes an option in my state. I am aware that it works for me, and my doctor concurs. Now we are both waiting for lawmakers to expand the limited list of qualifying diagnoses for medical marijuana. Ironically, if I were a combat veteran, my anxiety disorder would already qualify.
I’m grateful to reside in an area where I don’t have to live in fear of negative repercussions for utilizing cannabis to enhance my life. I can smoke when necessary, reassured that while it’s not fully legal, it occupies a gray area in my jurisdiction. As the legal landscape shifts, I move closer to obtaining my medical license.
Each time I feel my vision begin to blur and my heart race, I recall that initial panic attack. I remember the sensation of thinking I was dying, curled up on the grass in my neighborhood. I take out my one hitter, inhale two puffs, and the storm within me calms.
The knowledge that something exists to relieve my panic attacks brings me profound peace. I no longer have to dread sleepless nights filled with tears and anxiety, and that significantly enhances my quality of life. I owe a great deal of my tranquility to cannabis.
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In summary, cannabis has become an essential tool for managing my anxiety and improving my overall well-being. It has transformed my life, allowing me to function more effectively as a parent and individual.