It all starts with a cheerful acknowledgment: “You’re expecting! How wonderful!” I respond with a polite smile, exuding that familiar mix of pregnancy glow and mild nausea. The chit-chat flows from the baby’s gender to the due date, and then inevitably, we hit a snag in the conversation. “Have you thought about your delivery method?” or the even more probing, “Do you have a birth plan?”
Anyone who has already gone through childbirth knows these questions often miss the mark. Rarely does a birth unfold exactly as envisioned, and I typically brush off these inquiries from those who haven’t experienced labor. But the real culprits are often those who have. I’ve noticed that many of them have a hidden agenda, especially if they’ve had a natural birth themselves. It seems they want to convert others to their “natural” way of giving birth, as if it’s some kind of secret society. Do they have a pyramid scheme I’m unaware of? Will I soon receive an invitation to a Facebook group promoting birthing incense or relaxation tapes?
I’m weary of the delivery method inquiries. Why do you need a visualization of my labor? And let’s be real; I won’t tell you what you want to hear. You’re hoping to hear about my breathing exercises and holistic techniques. The truth? I plan on getting an epidural. When I share this, the reaction is palpable—an awkward mix of disappointment, condescension, and pity. “Oh, I see,” you say, dripping with disdain. “Have you thought about natural options?” At this point, my patience wears thin. “Your body was designed for this. Embrace it,” you add.
Hold on just a second. That’s crossing a line. If that’s your strongest argument, then you can take a timeout in my son’s chair and have a chat with the wall. My body is meant for many things—digesting food, enduring menopause, and ultimately, dying. Should I embrace those too?
Then you continue, “Women have been birthing children since the dawn of time. Anesthesia is a modern invention. Our ancestors managed labor pain just fine!” Have you ever met my great-aunt Lila? Seriously, do you think my feisty, no-nonsense aunt would have turned down an epidural if it had been available? Back to the timeout chair for you!
The only scenario where I might have a natural birth is if I’m unable to reach the hospital in time, if the anesthesiologist takes a vacation day, or if my partner decides to play the role of the obstinate enforcer, shouting, “No epidural for you!” Anything is possible in labor; it can turn people into wild versions of themselves.
Ultimately, this is the baby’s event; I’m just an important guest. I genuinely respect those who choose natural births. I’ve experienced childbirth once, and the pain was excruciating—I found myself crying out for mercy, declaring, “I want to die!” in the heat of the moment. I needed that epidural more than anything. Those who endure that level of pain without assistance astound me.
While I sometimes entertain the idea that my next labor might be smoother, I see no reason to forgo the benefits of modern medicine. Life presents enough challenges; I don’t see why this should be one of them. There are countless aspects of motherhood to cherish, but intentionally skipping the epidural will not be one of mine. Maybe my body just wasn’t designed for this in the same way as yours.
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Summary:
Navigating conversations about childbirth can be challenging, especially when faced with unsolicited opinions about birth plans. In this article, Jamie Carter candidly shares her thoughts on why a natural birth isn’t part of her pregnancy journey. Emphasizing the unpredictability of labor and the value of modern medical advancements, she champions the choice of opting for an epidural.