Parenting can be an incredible experience, but for those of us who deal with anxiety, it can also present unique challenges. My name is Laura, and I’ve grappled with anxiety since I was about eight years old. While I may not always appear anxious to the outside world, I often find myself caught in the throes of intense anxiety attacks. Although I have some awareness of what triggers these episodes, the timing is often unpredictable.
Just yesterday, I enjoyed a few weeks free from anxiety, which felt wonderful. I was engaged in my typical routine, managing household chores, working, and caring for my children. However, everything changed last night when my toddler woke me multiple times for seemingly no reason. Adding to the chaos, I was dealing with menstrual discomfort, feeling under the weather, and it was the dreaded Monday following a long weekend. To top it off, my third-grader came home from school complaining of a headache.
When he decided to lie down—something he rarely does—I felt my heart race. In that moment, all the little stressors from the day combined, and I was bombarded with irrational thoughts. I convinced myself that my son was gravely ill—perhaps with a rare virus or even a brain tumor. My mind spiraled into worst-case scenarios, even though I knew deep down that my fears were unfounded.
The struggle was not just with those thoughts; it was also about the worry of how my anxiety affected my kids. The last thing I want is for them to bear the weight of my feelings. I know how deeply anxiety can affect a person, and the thought of my children experiencing it pains me.
During that anxious moment, I sat with my son, offering him sips of water and trying to comfort him while battling my own rising panic. I yearned to be the calming presence he needed, but anxiety held me hostage, making it difficult to be the mother I aspire to be. I felt small and powerless, as if reverting to a child myself.
This ongoing anxiety impacts my motherhood, sometimes stealing weeks or even months of joyful moments with my children. Though I have some coping strategies, like meditation and exercise, I often find myself overwhelmed. Medication has not been effective for me, but I’m aware it is a lifeline for others. Recognizing the onset of anxiety can help me use mindfulness and breathing techniques, but sometimes, it’s simply too overpowering.
A change I’ve embraced is openly communicating with my kids. I now tell them, “I’m feeling anxious right now and need a moment.” Initially, I hesitated, thinking it might burden them. However, I realized they could sense my anxiety anyway. Sharing my feelings has surprisingly brought us closer; my children have shown kindness, comforting me with gentle words. Simply verbalizing my anxiety often brings tremendous relief.
While I am determined to shield my kids from my struggles, I also recognize that taking care of myself is crucial. I seek help when necessary and strive to be a good mother despite my anxiety. I hope my experiences foster compassion for their emotional ups and downs and that, if they ever face anxiety, I’ll be equipped to support them.
For those parenting while dealing with anxiety, know that you’re not alone. Resources like ACOG provide valuable information on mental health and pregnancy. If you’re exploring options for starting a family, consider checking out Make a Mom for insights on at-home insemination. Additionally, Intracervical Insemination offers expert guidance for expectant mothers.
In conclusion, while anxiety can disrupt our lives, it can also teach us empathy and understanding, allowing us to better navigate our children’s emotions and challenges.