Let me be honest: my 3½-year-old just began sleeping through the night. Yes, you read that correctly—3½ years, not months.
Some of you might find that shocking, while others are likely nodding along in agreement, perhaps even whispering, “Thank you.”
When I was expecting my first child, I would have never believed anyone who suggested it could take years for my little one to sleep through the night. Like many first-time parents, I fell for the narrative that sleep deprivation was a temporary phase. After all, that’s the common sentiment—it’s expected.
I imagined the sleepless nights would only last a couple of months before I could return to my former blissful slumber. But I was sorely mistaken.
When my baby arrived, the sleeplessness hit me like a freight train. Even though I anticipated the exhaustion, nothing could prepare me for the staggering fatigue that came with it. I felt like a character from a horror movie, complete with milk leaking from my breasts. It was a bizarre and terrifying experience to feel so utterly drained.
As we approached the three-month mark, I asked my mother when I could expect sleep to improve. “Oh, I remember you sleeping through the night at around three months,” she replied.
When the milestone arrived, I did notice my baby was starting to sleep for longer stretches at night rather than just short naps during the day. However, he was still waking every few hours to nurse. Then came the infamous four-month sleep regression, which turned our nights into a chaotic mess of hourly wake-ups and face kicks.
Somehow, I survived the first year. There were moments when my son would sleep for three to four hours at a time, which I could handle, but there were also phases of hourly interruptions that made me feel like I was on the brink of collapse.
I never embraced sleep training, and every attempt to promote independent sleep seemed to backfire. My children didn’t respond to the “cry for a bit then fall asleep” approach; for them, it was more like “scream endlessly until you give in,” which simply wasn’t an option for me.
When my first child turned one, I hoped that would be the turning point for better sleep. To some extent, it was—he began to have longer sleep periods, but “through the night” was still a distant dream.
I revisited the topic with my mother: “Are you certain I started sleeping through the night at three months?”
“Oh, no, that was just when your colic ended. You didn’t sleep all night until you were two or three—maybe even longer. I honestly can’t remember.”
I suspect many parents of poor sleepers tend to block out those challenging memories, and I can understand why my mother might have wanted to shield me from the truth when she saw how exhausted I was as a new mom. But when she finally revealed the reality, it was a relief. I wished she had told me sooner; it would have saved me a great deal of anxiety.
I recognize that some parents are fortunate enough to have what I call “unicorn sleepers.” You know the ones—those babies you can place in their cribs “drowsy but awake,” and they drift off peacefully. But for the rest of us with mediocre to terrible sleepers, it would be beneficial if the honest truth about baby sleep were more widely acknowledged.
The reality is this: Most infants don’t sleep a full night (10 to 12 hours without waking) for many months, and some take years to reach that milestone. There is no standard timeline; each child is different, just like their milestones of walking, talking, or even learning to ride a bike. Some babies adapt easily to “sleep training” (however you define it), while others resist sleep no matter what you try.
Don’t beat yourself up. Don’t feel guilty. You aren’t doing anything wrong. Some kids are just late bloomers when it comes to sleep. Most importantly, don’t worry—eventually, every child learns to sleep through the night.
When my second child was born, I was armed with this knowledge about infant sleep, making the experience—exhaustion included—much more manageable. I accepted that it was okay to function like a zombie at times and that having mac and cheese for dinner repeatedly was perfectly fine. I also knew I deserved to sleep in on weekends and sneak in naps whenever possible.
Above all, I understood that this phase would pass. My second child—now the 3½-year-old who just started sleeping through the night—still occasionally wakes up to ask for water or to inquire about the availability of corn muffins (yes, buddy, you can have one in the morning; now go back to bed!). But for the most part, he sleeps, and it’s truly wonderful to have children who can sleep through the night.
However, I still find myself lying awake sometimes, worrying about my kids. Check back with me in a few years when they are teenagers, and I’m anxiously waiting for them to come home. And in just a few more years, I’ll be fretting over whether they’ll land good jobs and find happiness.
The unvarnished truth about kids and sleep is that once you become a parent, restful nights become a rare commodity. But you adapt, and the love and joy your kids bring you make it (almost) worthwhile.
For more insights into home insemination, check out our post on intrauterine insemination, which offers excellent resources for those embarking on their parenting journey. If you’re interested in exploring at-home options, visit this link for helpful tools. For those planning reveal parties or special celebrations, check out this site for inspiration.