“What’s on your mind, love?”
I paused, contemplating whether to share the full extent of my thoughts or stick to my usual brief response that keeps things light and breezy.
“Not much, really,” I replied.
That was a fib.
I quickly added, “Just thinking about how the kids are faring at their grandparents’.” That was a slight stretch of the truth.
The reality is, like many mothers, my mind is in constant overdrive. I couldn’t pinpoint my exact thoughts at that moment, but the moments leading up to his question? My thoughts were racing.
What was I thinking? Nothing specific, yet everything all at once. I need to grab a new box of contacts before our trip on Monday. Did I pay the babysitter too much last week? My daughter isn’t eating enough veggies. I missed that writing deadline—again. Is this anxiety? I should check in with my doctor… Speaking of which, does my son need any vaccinations? I ought to call the pediatrician; I believe preschool needs updated records. Did I enroll him for next year? He definitely needs new school clothes; he’s grown so fast.
Oh no, the laundry! I forgot to switch it to the dryer.
Note to self: Look up baby-friendly veggie recipes and add them to the grocery list. Call the doctor. Contact my editor. Move the laundry to the dryer. But first, check the smell; it may need to be washed again… I really miss my little boy and can’t wait to pick him up from his grandparents. I hope he’s having a good day.
And that’s precisely what I shared when he asked—the bare minimum. Not because I couldn’t share more; he’s my best friend and could handle it. I didn’t elaborate because, well…this is “mom brain,” an ongoing state of affairs. There’s even a term for it: the mental load.
This phenomenon is a key reason many of us feel drained, even when “all we do” is stay at home. And for those of us juggling work outside the home? That thought alone is exhausting.
You’ve undoubtedly encountered it. You check in on a mom friend, and she responds with, “I’m tired.”
It’s not solely due to lack of sleep. Sure, that plays a role, but there’s something more profound at play. My partner, Jack, comes home from work each day, and I genuinely want to ease his burden. I ask about his day because I care and love him.
Yet, in the back of my mind, my mental hamster wheel keeps spinning.
Moms, you understand, right?
If we don’t remember to transfer the laundry, who will? If we overlook the vegetables, our little ones won’t get any. Doctor appointments, prescription refills, packing lists for vacation… all part of that invisible mental checklist we carry.
This mental load is something we all share. I’m not suggesting it’s a bad thing or that we need to “fix” it. Honestly, I’m not sure if we can. But sometimes, it helps just to acknowledge its existence. This is real. It explains why we feel weary, even when we believe we’re not accomplishing much.
The endless list of tasks and responsibilities plays on repeat in our minds—constantly.
Moms, you are remarkable! You are like that fancy adhesive that’s hard to find but holds everything together invisibly.
But perhaps we don’t always have to shoulder this alone. Next time someone asks, “What’s on your mind?” consider sharing your thoughts. Lighten the load, even momentarily.
And if they respond as if you’ve lost your mind, reach out to another mom because we understand each other. The burden may be unseen, but it is undoubtedly heavy. Let’s be open, honest, and supportive of one another.
Let’s share the load.
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Summary:
Mothers experience profound exhaustion due to the mental load they carry, which encompasses numerous responsibilities beyond mere sleep deprivation. Acknowledging this emotional labor is crucial, and sharing the burden with other moms can lighten the weight. Let’s support one another in navigating the complexities of motherhood.