“Is your other child typical?”
How would you react to that question? I faced this inquiry recently, and before I share my response, let’s first examine what “normal” really means. According to the Oxford Dictionary, “normal” refers to something that conforms to a standard, something usual, typical, or expected.
This person was insinuating that my son doesn’t meet those societal benchmarks. He doesn’t fit the conventional mold of a 7-year-old. He is different. He is exceptional. To this stranger, he appeared out of the ordinary.
And you know what? That fills me with pride.
I cherish his uniqueness. I admire how he approaches life in his own way, at his own pace, completely unbothered by what others expect. I find joy in his expressions of excitement—whether it’s through flapping his arms, making delightful sounds, or spinning around. Watching him create culinary masterpieces like pizza topped with custard and yogurt mixed with mashed potatoes brings me laughter. He finds joy in observing elevator doors rather than asking for toys, and I can’t help but dance with him in delight when we see someone using hand dryers in public restrooms.
He is hilarious, affectionate, and full of energy. He gets restless during shopping trips and sometimes thinks he knows better than me. Those are all traits of a “normal” 7-year-old boy!
He has brown hair, hazel eyes, and a passion for technology. He is of average height and weight for his age, with even his shoe size being right on track.
So why would someone ask if my other child is typical? This person looked at my son and saw his differences. She noticed his struggles with speech, his unsteady balance, and his distinctive behaviors associated with his special needs. To her, he seemed less than, not conforming, and not typical. Her question suggested that I should feel sorrow for having such a remarkable child, that I should be disheartened by his ongoing need for support at age seven, or that I should grieve over his challenges with potty training and communication.
But I refuse to judge her. A part of me once echoed her sentiments. My heart ached for what my son couldn’t do, and I felt physically strained pushing him in a wheelchair during the years he couldn’t walk. I longed to hear his voice.
Now, however, I see my son through a different lens. He is beautiful and remarkable. He is normal. And so is his sister.
If we define normal by the standard of being human, then truly, there is no such thing as being abnormal. So, how did I respond to the stranger? I simply smiled and said softly, “Yes, I am fortunate to have two amazing children. Thank you!”
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In summary, redefining what it means to be “normal” is essential when raising a child with special needs. It invites a broader perspective on acceptance and appreciation of differences, helping us celebrate the uniqueness of our children without the constraints of societal expectations.