It was a late Saturday afternoon when my partner and I decided to grab some coffee at a travel center after a fun day out. While I stayed behind in the car, singing along to a classic Whitney Houston song, my partner went inside. Moments later, a young girl, likely around eight or nine, hopped out of a car alongside us, accompanied by an adorable poodle. Not long after, a woman—presumably her mother—followed, taking the leash from her daughter as the girl skipped towards the travel center.
As I sat there, I noticed the mother engrossed in a deep phone conversation while walking the poodle to the other side of the travel center, where she lit a cigarette. As minutes passed, I found myself thinking, Why aren’t you checking on your daughter? Is she not aware of the dangers out there?
When the girl finally returned, holding a rainbow slushy, I let out a sigh of relief—until the mother handed her the poodle and went back inside. Was this mother unaware of the risks? Just the other day, I had heard an Amber Alert about an abduction in the area.
My partner soon emerged with our coffee. I took a sip and said, “It needs more sugar,” stalling as I thought about the little girl who needed someone to look out for her while her mother was distracted. I had on comfortable shoes; I could run if necessary to protect that child.
What made the mother feel that her daughter was safe in this often harsh world? Didn’t she keep up with current events? But as I continued to scrutinize her choices, I was reminded of my own experiences as a young mother who was perhaps too trusting. The thought of someone judging me without knowing my heart or my circumstances filled me with dread.
It took me back to a time shortly after my partner left the military. We had three children—two boys and a baby girl—and were adjusting to civilian life. While my partner took an exam at a high school, I found myself in the gymnasium with the kids. I struck up a conversation with a kind woman, which was a welcome distraction. However, when my youngest son needed to use the restroom, I placed my sleeping daughter in her carrier and stepped away. The woman kindly offered to watch her. Though I hesitated, I thought it would only be for a few minutes. I then bumped right into my partner at the exit.
Now, reflecting on that day, I often think about how different it might have been if my partner had not returned when he did. Thankfully, I never had to experience that kind of pain. However, news of child abductions still lingers in my mind, making me want to protect every child I see.
Back then, I was a caring, intelligent mother who believed in the goodness of people. Perhaps the mother at the travel center held onto a similar belief, envisioning a safer world for her daughter from the moment she first felt her baby kicking inside her.
Recently, at one of our favorite restaurants, I witnessed a mother with a special needs child who drew disapproving looks from other mothers. They criticized her for letting her daughter’s hair be wild and free. This mother likely needed a break and perhaps thought, Comb be darn! Let’s enjoy this meal. My heart ached for her as she faced judgment over a choice that had no impact on her daughter’s well-being.
Why do we judge each other so harshly? Fathers often receive a free pass for their parenting choices, while mothers are scrutinized. We are all navigating this journey of motherhood together—newcomers and veterans alike, learning and evolving each day.
Instead of being critical, we should extend kindness and solidarity to one another. A simple smile or a supportive word can go a long way. When a mother is distracted by life’s challenges, we can act as guardians for her child until she can return to her role. After all, we all have moments when we are overwhelmed.
That night at the travel center, the young mother and my partner exited simultaneously. As I watched them drive away, I silently apologized to her and to every mother I had ever judged unfairly. Then, I cranked up Whitney’s song, embracing the moment.
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Summary
The article emphasizes the importance of compassion among mothers, sharing a personal narrative that illustrates the tendency to judge others without understanding their circumstances. It encourages solidarity and support among mothers, highlighting that we are all navigating the complexities of parenting together.