It’s been nearly 12 years since I tied the knot, yet my decision to retain my last name continues to baffle family, friends, and colleagues. My last name has effectively remained the same, so I’m not sure what the confusion is all about.
People often wonder how to address me. Should they use my husband’s surname? A hyphenated version of our names? A mix of both? It’s surprising that in today’s world, a married woman keeping her own name is still met with raised eyebrows. I frequently hear questions about why I made this choice and how it may affect our children. I’ve even had women cautiously ask if my husband is upset about it, while men assert that they wouldn’t allow their wives to keep their maiden names. Why the uproar?
To me, the explanation is straightforward: this is my name, and I have every intention of keeping it. No disrespect to my husband or anyone else; I simply don’t see a compelling reason to make a change.
1. Marriage Doesn’t Equal Identity Loss
I married my husband because I love and respect him. We complement each other perfectly, and our differences contribute to our strength as a couple. Why would I relinquish my name just to adopt his? I am not looking to become more like him; rather, our unique identities are what enrich our partnership.
2. My Name Represents My Identity
My name has been part of me for my entire life. It embodies my history and lineage. I have invested time and effort into establishing a reputation I am proud of. Why should I be expected to relinquish that simply because I found love? I am not a “maiden” waiting to be saved; I am a woman with my own narrative, just as important as my husband’s.
3. Tradition Isn’t Always Justifiable
A common argument in favor of changing names is tradition. People often ask, “Why wouldn’t you want to uphold that tradition for your children?” However, just because something is traditional doesn’t mean it’s sensible or necessary. Many traditions—like the presidential turkey pardon—are fun but not essential.
4. Different Last Names Don’t Diminish Family Unity
We are all unique individuals. My husband has his family name, I have mine, and our children have a hyphenated last name that combines both of ours. Sharing a last name isn’t essential to being a cohesive family unit. In fact, it’s simpler to explain their names than to justify why everyone shares Daddy’s name; they are part of both of us, and their names should reflect that.
5. No Double Standards
I wouldn’t expect my husband to take my last name or alter his in any way, so why should I be expected to do so? If both partners agree to change their names, that’s fantastic. But if there’s no mutual desire, why force it?
6. My Husband Supported My Choice
What I appreciate about my husband is his easygoing nature. He never pressured me to take his name; it was never even a topic of discussion. He’s secure in our relationship, and I doubt he sees my choice as a threat to our family dynamic.
7. Avoiding the Hassle
The thought of navigating the complexities of changing my name—updating driver’s licenses, passports, and numerous other documents—feels like a burden I’m not willing to take on. Plus, what happens in the event of a divorce or remarriage? I can keep my name for life without the hassle of proving my identity through a name change.
8. Preserving My Surname
My grandparents had sons, and those names have carried on through the generations. Since only daughters in my generation are having children, if I followed tradition, my surname would die out. I value my lineage just as much as my husband’s and want to ensure it continues.
9. Defying Convention
There’s also something liberating about resisting societal norms, especially when there’s no valid reason to conform. Ultimately, this is my decision to make, and others’ opinions shouldn’t dictate my choices.
So, for those still puzzled, consider this the final answer. I did not transform into someone else upon marrying my husband, and my identity remains intact. I probably wouldn’t have married a man who had an issue with my decision to keep my name anyway.
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Summary
In conclusion, the choice to retain my surname after marriage stems from a desire for personal identity, respect for tradition, and the understanding that family unity does not rely on shared last names. My husband’s support for my decision solidifies my choice, and I embrace the individuality that comes with my name.