March 24, 2023
During my stroll through the neighborhood today, I encountered someone new, and I can’t shake the feeling that my words fell short. I wanted to reach out again and share some thoughts.
Today was a bit chaotic for me and my two kids. I overindulged in caffeine, and my heart raced as a consequence of yet another sleepless night (the baby is partially to blame, but I also struggle with sleep). We missed our usual morning walk due to the baby’s nap, so we opted for an afternoon outing to the candy shop, making several stops along the way for conversations or to let my older son pet a dog. Surprisingly, I’m grateful that our day didn’t unfold as planned because it led to our meeting.
As we neared home, I sensed someone was behind us. I turned around and spotted your bright orange double stroller. Feeling a bit embarrassed for my sudden glance, I waved. But then I decided to stop and called out, “I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to stare; I was just curious who was behind me.” I waited for you to join me while sipping my coffee.
Once you were closer, I noticed your two little ones nestled in the stroller—one sleeping and the other wide awake, with striking blue eyes shining in the sunlight. We exchanged pleasantries about our children—your twins, my one-year-old daughter, and my six-year-old son. As we chatted, I felt a sense of relief that my “baby” was no longer a baby. I’ve cherished my time with my infants, but the early days are undeniably tough, and I sensed that struggle within you.
When I asked how you were doing, you responded that your walk was therapeutic today. I should have shared that my own walks serve as my daily therapy. Instead, you opened up about your challenges with breastfeeding and mentioned that you had just stopped nursing your twins.
I could see the emotion on your face as you spoke, brushing hair from your eyes. You detailed the difficulties you faced, and I listened intently, hoping my expression conveyed understanding. Maybe you felt the need to explain to yourself or perhaps you encountered people who demanded reasons. I was there to listen, and I reassured you that it would be okay, saying, “In time, things will get better.” Yet, I left feeling like I hadn’t said enough, so here’s what I wish I had conveyed:
1. Parenting is Incredibly Challenging.
The reality of motherhood is often overwhelming, and the struggle is real. The love you feel for your child can be both exhilarating and terrifying. Embrace the difficult emotions; they are part of the journey. When I first became a mom, I was filled with fear, but I’ve learned to navigate the challenges, even if they persist.
2. Your Babies are Healthy and Thriving.
It’s disheartening to stop breastfeeding, but the most important thing is that your little ones are being fed and are doing well. I remember how bittersweet it was when my son weaned himself. I felt a void even as my body returned to me. This feeling may resonate with you too, but it does get easier.
3. Release the Guilt.
If guilt creeps in, just remember: it’s a common part of motherhood. I grapple with it daily over choices I make, or don’t make. Let’s support each other in overcoming this “mom guilt.”
4. The Hard Times Will Transform into Joyful Moments.
Right now, you’re in the thick of it—sleepless nights and fussy feedings. However, the rewards of your hard work will come. I saw the way you admired my son helping my daughter, and the joy they bring me is immeasurable.
5. Be Gentle with Yourself.
You’re doing your best, and that’s enough. While it may not feel sufficient at times, remember that self-care is crucial. Continue your walks; they are restorative. I won’t push the idea of napping since I never took that advice myself—just prioritize your well-being in whatever way you can.
6. Keep Moving Forward.
Let’s walk together. I consume copious amounts of coffee and chocolate and might curse more than I should, but walking is my therapy, and I know you need it too.
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Summary
Embracing the challenges of motherhood is essential. New moms often face overwhelming emotions and guilt, but it’s important to remember that your babies are thriving, and the tough moments will eventually lead to joyful experiences. Prioritize self-care, seek support, and keep moving forward on your parenting journey.