Ah, the joys of motherhood! Just as I’m adjusting to sleepless nights and recovering from childbirth, here come the unexpected visitors. “Oh, you had a baby? I should swing by immediately!” they say, completely disregarding the reality of postpartum life. Yes, I’m over here navigating bleeding and sore breasts while you want to come and cuddle my newborn and, oh, let’s not forget—pass along the latest germs.
The truth is, who really wants a parade of guests after welcoming a new life into the world? When I had my fourth child, I still faced the barrage of spontaneous visit requests. I thought we’d collectively learned more about respecting a new mom’s space! Haven’t we read enough about how to support postpartum women? The physical and emotional changes during this time are monumental, and it’s vital that we respect that.
Certainly, there are many meaningful ways to assist new mothers. Think meals—lots of them! With three older children to care for, the meal deliveries were invaluable. I appreciated the messages of congratulations and support that flooded my phone. Yet, the requests to come see the baby left me feeling overwhelmed. Sure, some mothers might welcome a chance to showcase their newborn or need a helping hand for a nap. But many of us might not realize that we aren’t obligated to host visitors. It took me four children to fully grasp that I didn’t have to entertain anyone I didn’t want to.
Two significant factors helped me reclaim my time after the birth of my fourth child: my training as a doula and my experience with chronic illness. In doula training, I learned the importance of protecting a new mother’s space and time with her baby. I witnessed firsthand the stress introduced by uninvited visitors during those precious early bonding moments. While it’s often necessary to hand the baby over for a brief respite, many do so out of fear of offending others rather than genuine need.
Around the time my third child turned one, I was diagnosed with postural orthostatic tachycardia syndrome, which often left me bedridden. This experience forced me to prioritize my health and energy for my family. I quickly learned to say “no” to requests that didn’t serve my well-being. I realized that every “yes” I gave out of obligation often came at the expense of my own needs.
With my newfound skills in self-preservation and a focus on bonding time with my newborn, I was determined to savor every moment with my fourth baby. Those postpartum days with my partner were invaluable, and I wanted to cherish them fully.
Postpartum can be a whirlwind of emotions and experiences. The challenges are often unpredictable, but so are the joys. Having already watched my first three children grow, I was committed to being present for my newest addition. I didn’t always respond with sarcasm, although I sometimes wanted to! Instead, my go-to response for visitors I wasn’t ready for became: “Thank you for thinking of us! I’m focusing on resting and what’s best for Baby and me. Visitors feel a little disruptive right now—can we do a rain check?”
So, take it from me: let go of the need to please everyone after welcoming a new baby. Prioritize your postpartum peace.
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Summary
Navigating postpartum life involves prioritizing your own needs over societal expectations. Embrace self-care, learn to say no, and protect your bonding time with your newborn. It’s essential to focus on what truly matters during this transformative stage of motherhood.