It’s 1:30 a.m., and I’m 30 weeks pregnant, struggling to find sleep. My baby has been moving around a lot lately, but I am grateful that my insemination was successful on the first attempt. I’ve always felt destined to be a mother, so after experiencing a series of failed relationships, I decided to embrace this journey on my own—becoming a single mom by choice. What I didn’t anticipate were the unsolicited comments that would accompany my decision.
1. ‘Isn’t it unfair to decide your child will grow up without a father?’
I often wonder how many mothers have faced this reality without a choice. Sure, I would have preferred a traditional family structure, but today’s families come in many forms—two moms, two dads, or blended families. Why should a single-parent household be viewed negatively? My daughter may not have a dad, but she will have a wonderful grandfather, two amazing uncles, and several male role models in her life. It may not fit the conventional mold, but given the prospects with my ex-partners, raising her alone seems far healthier.
2. ‘I’m really sorry to hear that.’
This comment came from a few friends and family members who seemed to interpret my choice as a desperate one. Their sympathetic looks suggested they felt they had let me down in some way, as if my decision was an act of resignation. Interestingly, two of my former partners reached out, expressing apologies for not treating me better and lamenting my situation. But in reality, I am filled with joy. I didn’t change—I simply found a creative solution to fulfill my lifelong dream of motherhood.
3. ‘You know how girls without dads turn out, right?’
Absolutely! My intention has always been to raise a successful individual, not a stereotype. It would be fascinating to explore how many dancers or other individuals in unconventional careers attribute their choices to an absent father. The difference between a dad who leaves and one who is not present at all is significant. My daughter will understand that she was wanted and that a generous man contributed to her existence—a gift, not a void. She will know she was cherished, and while she won’t be missing what she doesn’t know, she will still have strong male influences around her.
4. ‘You have no idea what’s ahead of you!’
That’s true! Who truly knows what to expect? I spend a lot of time on parenting forums where it seems every mother, no matter their circumstances, is figuring it out as they go along. Planning and preparing are valuable, but in the end, aren’t we all in the same boat? So, dear married friend with kids, while your warning is noted, the thought of being able to make independent choices about my daughter’s name, sleep schedule, and education without needing to consult anyone feels liberating. Many women navigate parenthood unexpectedly, and because this is a conscious decision I’ve made, I am confident in my ability to succeed.
5. ‘Ah! Finally! You’ve been talking about motherhood for ages!’
When I first broached the topic with my dad, I carefully selected my words, anticipating disappointment. I asked him to refrain from commenting immediately because I knew his initial reaction might not be supportive. Among all the comments I received, his was the most uplifting.
So why am I awake in the middle of the night? This pregnancy journey has empowered me, teaching me to deflect insensitive remarks and preparing me for future challenges—like when my daughter starts asking questions or when I have to fill out forms that require the “father” section to be left blank. I remind myself why I am making this choice: I want to be a mom, and ultimately, the opinions of others do not define my path.
For those interested in exploring the possibilities of parenthood through artificial insemination, check out our post on home insemination kits. Additionally, for more insights on this topic, visit Beyond Our Wildest Expectations and WebMD, which provides comprehensive information on insemination success rates.
Summary
The journey to becoming a single mom by choice is filled with unsolicited remarks from others. While some comments may seem negative or misguided, they often stem from misunderstanding. Embracing motherhood independently can lead to a fulfilling life for both the mother and child, emphasizing the importance of love and support from a diverse family structure.