Hello, I’m a mom, and I struggle with alcoholism.
At first glance, I might not fit the stereotype. I’m a 36-year-old, educated, middle-class individual who attends church regularly—certainly not the image of a typical drunkard one might find in a classic Western film. Yet, I’ve realized that I carry the genetics of alcoholism.
Family History
My family has a long history with alcohol. My father was an alcoholic who managed to quit drinking when I was very young. I’ve never viewed his struggles as a reflection of his character but rather as a hereditary condition that made it difficult for him to control his drinking. Unfortunately, I share that same challenging genetic makeup.
A Tumultuous Relationship
My relationship with alcohol has always been tumultuous. It resembled an unhealthy romance that I couldn’t seem to escape. For years, I found myself trapped in a relentless cycle: I would binge drink, attempt to end things for a while, then return to drinking in moderation, only to eventually spiral back into excess. It became a repetitive pattern.
After a night of overindulgence, I would impose strict rules on myself regarding future alcohol consumption. I’d tell myself I’d only drink on weekends, avoid hard liquor, or stick solely to beer, believing these restrictions would solve my problem. However, I soon realized that the issue was rooted deep within my brain, and these self-imposed regulations were ineffective against the powerful urge to drink.
Understanding My Sensitivity
The reality is, I have an alcohol sensitivity. While others can enjoy a drink and stop, my brain responds differently. The moment I have a sip, it triggers an overwhelming desire for more—an insatiable craving that leads to wild antics and impulsive decisions.
It took me time to accept that I had a problem. There were moments when I could drink moderately, which led me to believe I was in control. But I never knew who would show up when I decided to drink: the responsible “One-Drink Sara” or the disaster “Drink-the-Whole-Bottle Sara.”
Denial and Acceptance
While I never became dependent on alcohol in a traditional sense—my job and relationships remained intact, and I never faced legal troubles—I learned from the Big Book of AA that denying my struggle wouldn’t protect me from its consequences. Alcoholism is a progressive illness, and what starts as casual drinking can escalate to dependence. If you relate to this, it’s worth adding the word “yet” to your justifications.
For instance: I might say I don’t have a drinking issue because I’ve never received a DUI—yet. I’ve never cheated on my partner—yet. I’ve never committed outrageous acts—yet.
Although I didn’t hit rock bottom, I could see it looming, and by a stroke of luck, I chose to separate myself from alcohol before reaching that point.
The Challenges of Sobriety
Sobriety hasn’t been a walk in the park. Alcohol is ubiquitous in today’s world—at brunches, sporting events, and even children’s parties. When I turn down a drink, people often assume I’m pregnant or looking down on them, which can be uncomfortable and tempting.
In the absence of liquid courage, I’ve turned to prayer, meditation, and indulging in comfort food. Stress eating has become my new coping mechanism.
A Message of Support
If you’ve battled with alcohol as well, remember this: You are not a failure. You are not alone. Today might be the day you acknowledge your own struggles. It takes courage. And when the urge gets overwhelming, seek solace with me at that next event. We can enjoy snacks and assure everyone we’re not expecting. It’ll be a blast.
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Summary
A mother candidly shares her struggles with alcoholism, acknowledging her family history and the genetic predisposition she inherited. Despite never hitting rock bottom, she recognizes the dangers of alcohol and the complexity of her relationship with it. Sobriety poses its challenges in a world filled with social drinking, but she emphasizes the importance of support and understanding for those facing similar battles.