As a parent, there are undoubtedly certain aspects you must care about—your child’s safety is paramount. We would go to any length to protect our little ones, even putting our own lives on the line if necessary. We all desire our children to feel cherished and secure; that’s a universal truth. The emotional bond we share with them is profound, often feeling like an invisible thread connecting our hearts, regardless of our physical proximity.
So, if our intentions are to provide the best for our children, why does parenting feel so overwhelming?
A significant part of the challenge lies in the physical demands of raising kids. They require constant attention and can be incredibly draining. In the early stages, they don’t sleep well, and they can whine, cry, and wreak havoc in your home. Even as they grow older, their need for your attention remains high. Despite the immense love we have for our children, the relentless nature of parenting can be exhausting, regardless of how resilient we think we are.
However, one of the most challenging aspects of parenting is often the feeling of being judged. This feeling is especially pronounced when you first embark on the parenting journey. Should you opt for natural birth or an epidural? Breastfeed or use formula? Co-sleep or utilize a crib? As a new mom, it felt like everyone had opinions on how I should raise my child, and they were quick to share, whether I wanted to hear it or not.
In those early days, my vulnerability to unsolicited advice was at its peak. Whether it was hormones or simply being a novice parent, I found myself doubting every decision. Each choice seemed monumental at the time.
Looking back, I realize that those decisions weren’t as significant as they felt. Now that my children are older, I understand that it didn’t matter whether I chose cloth or disposable diapers, or that my first child refused to eat solid food until he was nine months old. What truly mattered was whether my kids were safe and loved; if the answer is yes, then I was succeeding.
So why did I let myself get bogged down by every tiny detail? Why do I still obsess over minutiae instead of focusing on the bigger picture? Most importantly, why do I care so much about others’ opinions?
The reality is, I am the mom, not my relatives who provide unsolicited advice, not the article that insists my child should reach milestones by a certain age, and certainly not the stranger at the park who judges me for my child’s behavior. It’s time to reclaim the power of choice regarding what matters in my life. We can decide to care or not care about various issues.
As I delve deeper into parenthood, I’m learning to adopt this mindset. You may be familiar with the KonMari method of decluttering, which encourages you to assess each item in your home and determine if it “sparks joy.” While I may not have the energy to declutter my entire house (and let’s be real, this method isn’t designed for parents), I can adapt it for my parenting journey.
Whenever I encounter unsolicited opinions, second-guess my choices, or criticize myself as a parent, I’ll ask, “Does this really matter? Will it affect my children’s safety or happiness?” If the answer is no, then I refuse to let it bother me.
Today marks my commitment to this approach, and it feels liberating. The spilled cereal? No big deal. My three-year-old refusing to attend preschool for the third time? Who cares? The crossing guard who frowned at me because my child wasn’t wearing his winter coat in chilly weather? Not worth a second thought.
Ultimately, my goal is to end each day with my kids feeling loved, supported, and equipped to bring their unique spark to the world. Everything else? Just noise I choose to ignore.
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Summary
Parenting is filled with challenges, not least of which is managing the expectations and judgments from others. Embracing a mindset that prioritizes your child’s safety and happiness while disregarding unnecessary details can lead to a more fulfilling parenting experience. Focus on what truly matters and let go of the rest.