The transformation in my marriage before and after welcoming children is strikingly evident. Our focus is now shared among little ones vying for our attention, leading to shorter timeframes, diminished patience, and an ever-present sense of exhaustion.
Initially, love can feel somewhat lackluster post-children, reminiscent of a beer that’s been left unrefrigerated for too long. However, while it may lack the freshness and thrill of earlier days, love after kids can be far richer and more fulfilling—much like a deep cabernet that has matured beautifully over time.
Prior to kids, love was defined by leisurely Saturday night outings and lazy Sunday mornings spent in bed. Now, it often involves meticulous planning for a date night that might end up with us enjoying takeout while binge-watching Netflix due to a last-minute babysitter cancellation or an illness in one of the kids.
Before our family expanded, public displays of affection included dancing closely in nightclubs or cuddling in dimly lit bars. Now, those moments have shifted to swaying together in the kitchen on a Friday night and exchanging quick kisses before the kids shout, “Eww! Gross!”
In the past, love was expressed through heartfelt Hallmark cards filled with handwritten notes. Nowadays, it might be as simple as a Post-It note on the nightstand saying, “I took the kids for donuts so you could sleep in,” or a midday text promising to handle the laundry later.
Previously, spontaneous moments of intimacy felt like thrilling athletic feats. Now, those have transformed into quick encounters in the bathroom while the kids are distracted playing video games.
Before children, we shared long runs together, stopping at health food stores for kale smoothies. Now, our gym visits involve dropping the kids off in childcare while we sneak in some sauna time, pretending to work out.
Arguments back then were marked by loud disagreements and heated exchanges, followed by lengthy reconciliations. Now, they often fade into the background noise of our busy lives, only to be addressed days later when we’re too tired to remember what sparked the conflict in the first place.
Once, we cherished our personal spaces, each having our own bathroom. After kids, love is about giving your partner a moment of privacy in a cramped shared bathroom, despite having witnessed the chaos of childbirth together.
Before we had kids, I believed my husband would be a wonderful father. Now, I know for certain that he truly is an exceptional dad.
Our conversations have also shifted; once filled with debates about politics or favorite TV shows, they now revolve around 529 plans or which children’s show is more grating—Caillou or Daniel Tiger.
In the past, weekends were spent lounging on the couch with snacks while watching football. Now, they are filled with cheering at our daughter’s basketball games and rushing to catch our son’s hockey match, allowing for a moment of respite for my wife to enjoy lunch with friends.
Once, we dreamed about the future together; now, our communications are often quick texts coordinating the pick-up schedule for daycare.
Ultimately, love remains a blend of forgiveness, hope, fun, hard work, friendship, and unwavering faith in one another, despite the changes that come with parenthood. It has evolved from two people in love to a couple that has built a family, still deeply in love.
For those exploring parenthood, you might find useful information in our post about home insemination kits here, or check out this insightful resource on pregnancy here. You can also read about the rising anxiety levels among mothers, especially Gen Z moms, here.
Summary:
Love and marriage undergo significant changes after having children, shifting from romantic spontaneity to managing the demands of family life. Though the initial spark may feel dulled, the depth of love grows richer through shared experiences and challenges. Couples transition from carefree dates to juggling childcare and coordinating schedules, but they maintain a strong bond rooted in mutual respect and affection.