As my hairstylist worked on my wildly overgrown roots last week, she shared her experiences from maternity leave. “My husband took a month off, and it felt like a vacation for him,” she recounted. “He went for runs every day and hung out with friends while my mom cooked for us. He didn’t even change a single diaper.”
This isn’t the first time I’ve heard similar stories from other mothers. A friend expressed her frustration, “I was up every night feeding the baby while my husband slept soundly. Can you believe he changes diapers?”
Why is it that the responsibility of caring for a newborn often falls solely to the mother? Just because I’ve had a baby doesn’t mean I can suddenly thrive on less sleep. My partner played a role in creating our little one, and he needs to be equally involved in parenting. Fortunately, he stepped up right from the moment the epidural was administered for my unplanned C-section, supporting me at every turn. Here’s how we, a couple who initially claimed we would never have children, found a harmonious rhythm in raising our baby without wanting to strangle each other.
1. Team Up
Before bringing our baby home, we didn’t establish a parenting plan. I envisioned my perfect little one peacefully sleeping in a beautifully decorated crib while my husband and I gazed lovingly at him. However, those early days turned into a sleep-deprived routine that resembled an assembly line. I pumped; he fed. I changed; he cleaned. I bathed; he warmed towels. We learned to ask each other for help, asking, “Can you handle this while I do that?” This collaboration allowed us to rest more, preserve our sanity, and enjoy time with our baby.
2. Take Time for Yourself
Each night, I retreat to the bathroom while my husband cuddles our little one. This is my sacred time to scroll through Pinterest, check social media, and unwind. I believe that carving out even an hour for myself each day has been crucial for maintaining my sanity during the challenging weeks of colic.
3. Hormones Can Be Tough
It’s essential to communicate with your partner about the emotional whirlwind that accompanies life with a newborn. I wish I had shared my struggles with postpartum hormones before exploding in frustration over trivial matters like him not carrying the laundry. Once I clarified that my mood swings were hormone-driven, he became more understanding, allowing me to vent so we could refocus on our responsibilities.
4. Express Gratitude
Amidst the exhaustion of caring for a newborn, it’s easy to forget to show appreciation for one another. A simple “thank you” can go a long way, reminding both partners that you’re on the same team working toward the common goal of raising your child.
5. No Assigned Roles
We don’t designate specific parenting tasks; instead, we tackle duties as they arise. Whether it’s changing diapers or washing bottles, we share responsibilities equally. This flexibility has been key to maintaining peace and preventing either of us from feeling overwhelmed.
6. Stand Together
We support each other unconditionally. When breastfeeding became a struggle, I powered through it for six weeks despite various challenges, and my husband always backed my choices. When questioned about our parenting decisions, we present a united front, discussing any disagreements privately. This solidarity helps us combat unsolicited advice and judgment from others.
It’s perplexing where the notion began that women should shoulder all responsibilities for newborn care. Perhaps it’s guilt for our partners who work long hours, or the desire to give them time to unwind after a hectic day. However, just because we have some time off after giving birth doesn’t mean we are free from the emotional and physical toll of motherhood.
Mothers need to prioritize self-care, both physically and emotionally, to be the best version of ourselves for our children. If that means sleeping in on Saturdays while my partner handles the morning routine, I embrace it without guilt.
In response to my husband’s daily recap of difficult workdays, I greet him with our baby, whose face lights up as he begins his daddy duties. Together, we created this wonderful little person, and we both share in the joy and responsibility of caring for him—and each other.
For more insights on creating your parenting strategy, check out this article and explore resources like Progyny for pregnancy guidance. If you’re looking for baby-friendly recipes, don’t miss this guide on healthy muffins for babies.
Summary
Parenting is a shared journey that requires teamwork, communication, and understanding. By dividing responsibilities, carving out personal time, and expressing gratitude, couples can navigate the challenges of caring for a newborn together. It’s essential to support one another and prioritize self-care to maintain a healthy balance in parenting.