I never intended to stifle my child’s dreams, yet there I was in the kitchen while my son wailed that I was “destroying his hopes.”
“Destroying your hopes?” I asked, incredulously.
At just 8 years old, he had set his sights on playing in the NFL. I reminded him that only a small fraction of football players ever make it to that level, and he countered that this was exactly why he needed to start practicing immediately.
He fell apart in tears, lamenting his dashed dreams. I told him that his father and I would discuss it, but in my mind, I was thinking, Absolutely not; football is not happening.
But in my heart, I was conflicted.
This was far from my first challenging parenting decision, nor would it be the last, but this felt more daunting than the rest. For one, I appreciated the depth of the debate surrounding youth football, and I found myself lacking a clear instinct about what the right choice should be—something I had leaned on in previous parenting dilemmas. While experts might offer guidance, practicality and my own intuition had always played a significant role. I had made choices contrary to expert recommendations in areas like breastfeeding, time-outs, and screen time; however, I didn’t have the personal experience or instinct to help me navigate whether to allow my son to play youth football or partake in other risky activities. If I ruled out football, would I then have to prohibit him from skateboarding, hockey, skiing, or rock climbing?
Honestly, I was at a loss.
Let me be clear: I fully understand the safety concerns associated with football. I have delved into research on head injuries, absorbed articles about the mental health struggles of former players, and listened to prominent athletes who have spoken out against the sport. My husband and I took these risks seriously.
However, I also had to weigh the potential drawbacks of not permitting my son to play. I didn’t want to be a Dream Killer—what parent wants that? Yet, I also feared that denying him this opportunity might instill in him an aversion to taking risks or pursuing his dreams. Perhaps it stemmed from my own childhood, where I was overly cautious, but I wanted my children to embrace challenges—whether that meant riding their bikes without hands, downhill skiing, asking someone out, scuba diving, or pursuing a job overseas—despite the inherent risks. I aimed to teach them to recognize risks, evaluate them against possible rewards, and ultimately make informed choices.
My parenting philosophy can best be described as encouraging controlled risk-taking. When my son climbed high into the branches of our backyard pine tree, I merely paused to snap a picture before reminding him to be careful. While I detest the labels often assigned to parenting styles, if pressed, I would identify more with the free-range approach rather than a hovering one.
That said, as parents, we set boundaries around numerous activities we perceive as unsafe, regardless of how adept our kids are at managing risks. We don’t allow them to run into busy streets, play with fire, or ride bikes without helmets (well, sometimes we do, but it comes with a twinge of guilt).
So, regardless of where I stood on the football issue, I didn’t want to rush to a “yes” or “no” without thoughtful consideration and a lengthy discussion about the risks involved with my son. To me, understanding how we reached our decision was as crucial as the decision itself—possibly even more so.
Ultimately, we decided to let him play, with the understanding that we would reevaluate the situation over time, reasoning that he could try it and likely move on before the risks escalated. However, a week before the season began, my son took a ball to the stomach and concluded that football might not be the best fit for him after all.
“Are you certain?” I inquired.
He was adamant. The following day, he quit football and opted for baseball instead.
For now, I had removed the label of Dream Killer from my parenting résumé. But just last week, he mentioned wanting to be a football player when he grows up.
So perhaps I’ll have to pencil in Dream Killer on my mom résumé after all. But if I do, it will be in pencil.
If you’re curious about home insemination and related topics, you can check out resources like this one on artificial insemination kits or learn more about enhancing your chances of success at this expert site. For a comprehensive overview, this link is an excellent resource on pregnancy and home insemination.
In summary, parenting often presents us with difficult choices that challenge our instincts and beliefs. As we navigate these dilemmas, the goal remains to foster resilience and informed decision-making in our children, all while carefully balancing safety and the pursuit of their dreams.