All the Mothers I Have Been

Adult human female anatomy diagram chartAt home insemination

I have been that mother—the one who is fully present, deeply engaged, and overflowing with affection for my children, relishing every fleeting moment of motherhood. There have been days when I felt like time stood still, and I wished it would never end. I have embodied that mother, the ideal I aspire to be for my kids at every turn.

Yet, I have also been the mother overwhelmed by countless questions, incessant crying, and never-ending messes. I’ve experienced exhaustion so profound that I felt as if I might shatter. I have lived every facet of motherhood.

I have been the mother who drove away on a dreary Saturday night, feeling like the walls were closing in and I couldn’t breathe. Conversely, I have been the mother who longed to stay home, cherishing the delightful chaos surrounding me.

I have spent an hour patiently assisting my child with homework, donning a smile throughout. But I have also been the mother who snapped a pencil in frustration just five minutes in. I’ve shown up on time, dressed nicely with my hair perfectly styled, yet I’ve also arrived late in grimy workout clothes, feeling frazzled and stressed.

I have been the mother eagerly waiting for bedtime, yearning for silence. At the same time, I have been the mother who counts down the minutes until my kids return home from school, missing them so much it hurts. I have felt capable of cleaning the entire house with one hand tied behind my back, but I have also been the mother drained of energy because I neglected myself for too long.

I have prepared an organic meal from scratch, yet I have also resorted to heating chicken nuggets and serving them alongside chips in front of the TV. I’ve been the mother who can’t take her eyes off her beautiful children, feeling incredibly fortunate. Conversely, I have ignored my child because I couldn’t bear to witness one more silly face.

I have managed difficult situations with grace, yet I have also lain awake at night, consumed with worry, questioning my parenting abilities. I have received compliments in restaurants for my children’s good behavior, but I have also had to drag more than one screaming child out of public spaces. I have screamed—not just yelled, but truly screamed—yet I have also been the mother who holds it together when I feel like I might fall apart.

Perhaps you have encountered me at my best and thought I had it all figured out. Maybe you have seen me during a moment I would prefer to forget, and judged me as a mess. Ultimately, how you perceive me is irrelevant. What matters is how I perceive myself.

I see myself in every mother—those who appear to have it all together and those who are struggling. A single moment or a tough day does not define our worth as mothers. At some point, many of us have embodied all these roles, each a unique part of the beautiful tapestry of motherhood.

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In summary, motherhood encompasses a wide array of experiences. Every mother has her struggles and triumphs, and it’s important to recognize that we all share this journey together.