Becoming a parent has turned me into a veritable fountain of ridiculous phrases. In those chaotic moments when I feel overwhelmed or flustered, my mouth often runs faster than my brain. Instead of taking a moment to gather my thoughts, I just let the words spill out. Here are ten more gems that have made their way out of my mouth:
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“If you don’t go back to bed this instant, I’ll put you back to bed.” This is precisely why they got out of bed to begin with.
Toddler = 1 Mom = 0 -
“Nobody is getting cookies for breakfast. Please eat your Lucky Charms.” The truth is, a single Lucky Charms marshmallow might have just as much sugar as a cookie. I’m really only setting myself up for a sugar-fueled morning!
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“Bathtubs aren’t for splashing.” Or singing, or having fun, or, you know, getting wet. I might as well just ask them to bathe without getting wet!
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“If you’re not going to learn, I won’t teach you.” Because clearly, the ideal strategy for encouraging learning is to walk away when they can’t move three pegs in a game of Trouble.
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“I don’t hear anyone sleeping up there.” Unless they’re snoring like a freight train, can you even hear someone sleep?
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“If you don’t buckle up, we’re not going anywhere. We can just sit here all day.” As if that’s a feasible option! I’d get a ticket for loitering, and honestly, since becoming a parent, I haven’t had a moment to just sit!
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“If you don’t stop crying, I’ll give you a reason to cry.” A classic phrase passed down through generations of parents, yet it’s one of the most nonsensical things to say. They’re already crying, so I’ve already given them a reason!
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“It’s just a piece of lettuce. It won’t hurt you.” Unless, of course, you throw yourself back from the table with such force that you hit your head. In which case, I guess it did hurt.
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“Keep it up, buddy. Keep it up.” Really? What does this even mean? I’m just encouraging them to continue whatever it is they’re doing, which is often something I don’t want them to do!
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“You know what?” And that’s usually where I stop. In my frustration, I can’t even finish my thoughts.
My kids are getting old enough to chuckle at my verbal blunders or when I say something that just doesn’t make sense. Who could blame them? Often, I sound like a total goof. One day, I can already imagine one of them looking me dead in the eye after I’ve scolded them, whispering, “Keep it up, Mommy. Keep it up.”
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In summary, parenting can lead to some hilariously nonsensical moments. Embracing the chaos and the silly things we say can make the journey a bit lighter.