In a recent article by The Atlantic, sticker charts have been labeled as “powerful psychological tools” that can inadvertently damage a child’s emotional development and their future relationships. What many parents viewed as a cute incentive for good behavior is now being scrutinized as a method that may lead to entitlement.
The article’s author, Dr. Lisa Thompson, discusses how when children are rewarded for certain actions, they may begin to expect similar rewards for every task. “Parents often overlook the potential downsides of sticker charts, leading to frustration when the system backfires,” she writes. For instance, one parent shared that after initially enjoying the sticker chart’s success, when she asked her 8-year-old to help with a spill, he replied, “What will I get?”
What’s the correct response here? Perhaps it’s time to remind them of their basic responsibilities, like “you will get dinner” or “you will get a roof over your head.” Or maybe just “go help your brother right now.”
Dr. Thompson also shared a story from a parenting workshop where a couple expressed confusion over their daughter’s refusal to help clean the kitchen in exchange for points toward a new phone. “Now what?” they asked. Seriously? Maybe it’s time to remind her that chores are part of family life, not a negotiation.
While parenting is undoubtedly challenging, it’s important to realize that not every situation requires a reward system. Sometimes, simply instructing your child to complete a task is the best approach. After all, the reality is that the world doesn’t operate on sticker rewards.
Dr. Thompson mentions a phenomenon she calls the “reward economy,” where children learn to exchange desirable behavior for rewards. This can diminish their intrinsic motivation to assist others. Yet, we live in a world where adults are often rewarded for their performance at work—whether it’s a raise or recognition. Isn’t it reasonable to prepare our children for this reality?
Ultimately, there’s nothing inherently wrong with making parenting a bit easier. The notion that every little action could negatively impact our children is overwhelming and, frankly, a bit excessive.
Reflecting on our upbringing, many of us grew up without the constant analysis of parenting methods. As children of the past, we didn’t face the same scrutiny, and while some of that may have led to feelings of neglect, we’ve swung the pendulum too far in the opposite direction. We now fear that even innocuous choices, like using stickers for motivation, could harm our kids.
If you’re engaged in parenting discussions and seeking advice, you’re likely already doing a commendable job. So go ahead, grab those stickers, and take a breather. Don’t let the noise of overanalyzed parenting drown out your instincts.
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Summary
Sticker charts, once viewed as innocent tools for encouraging good behavior, are now seen as potential pitfalls in parenting. Critics argue they can foster entitlement and diminish intrinsic motivation in children. Instead of relying on rewards, parents are encouraged to establish clear expectations and responsibilities. Ultimately, navigating parenting doesn’t require an intricate puzzle to solve; sometimes, straightforward guidance is all that’s needed.