The third trimester is an unpredictable 13-week journey filled with its own unique challenges and experiences. As someone who has navigated this phase three times, I’ve gathered a list of observations that you won’t find in standard pregnancy guides. So, get comfy, and let’s dive into what to expect during this final stretch (besides the imminent arrival of your little one):
- You find yourself negotiating with your partner for help with simple tasks like clipping and painting your toenails.
- Your children become your personal assistants, helping you with putting on socks.
- Upon entering any public space, your immediate thought is to locate the nearest restroom, followed closely by how quickly your swollen feet can get you there.
- Strangers often focus on your belly first, then your eyes, then back to your belly.
- You’ll hear an array of unsolicited comments from well-meaning strangers, such as:
- “Are you having twins?”
- “Looks like you could pop any moment!”
- “When are you due? Oh, that’s just a few days before my cousin’s birthday!”
- And the classic, “I hope whatever you have isn’t contagious!”
- You might want to wear a sign that says, “I feel great, my due date is ____, the gender is ____, and this is baby # ____. Thanks for your concern!”
- You’ve become so adept at peeing in a cup that you could do it blindfolded—possibly while managing a squirming toddler on your back.
- Climbing the parking garage stairs at your OB appointment feels like competing on a reality weight-loss show, with your inner trainer cheering you on.
- Your 4-year-old is now suggesting that you should resume intense workout routines.
- These days, your exercise routine consists of frequent trips to the fridge and bending over to pick up scattered socks; you start to wonder why you had the first two kids.
- Your wardrobe is dwindling to two shirts that fit, both of which have unfortunate elastic cinches that remind you of a pug’s face.
- One of those shirts is reserved for special occasions, while the other is your go-to for daily wear.
- You find yourself reaching out to family for advice on essential undergarment purchases.
- That cute maternity swimsuit you bought for a bargain? Now you regret it as you resemble a certain well-known aquatic animal.
- At the local pool, they’ve practically named the splash zone after you.
- You’ve come to appreciate the glorious belly panel pants that you once deemed unnecessary; now, anything without a panel is off-limits.
- You start collecting kindling for a bonfire to burn all your maternity clothes post-baby.
- Your kids are convinced you’ve swallowed something large because they just read a story about an alligator and a watermelon seed.
- Nights are filled with multiple trips to the bathroom, leg cramps, and late-night snack runs for Doritos.
- Getting out of bed several times each night could qualify as an Olympic sport; you contemplate using a pole vault for assistance.
- Daytime naps become your top priority.
- At your weekly OB visits, the nurses now greet you with, “Oh, it’s you again! Where’s your Cup-O-Pee?”
- You secretly hope your doctor runs late so you can squeeze in another quick nap.
- Did your water just break? Nope, just a sneeze.
- Was that a contraction? Nope, just the aftermath of those Doritos.
- Expect to gain a brand-new chin each week until your due date.
- Your fingers have turned into chubby sausages that threaten to devour your rings. Best to remove them while you can.
- You realize your belly is now a convenient resting place for snacks and books, leading to unfortunate stains on your only two shirts.
- You ponder why your electric bill is skyrocketing—oh right, it’s sweltering in here! Time to crank up the A/C.
- You dream of an all-inclusive weekend getaway with gourmet meals and soothing massages. Don’t forget to pack some Dermoplast and Tucks wipes—you’ll thank me later!
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In summary, the third trimester is a whirlwind of physical changes, odd comments from strangers, and a desperate need for comfort. As you prepare for the arrival of your baby, embrace the humor and reality of this unique experience.