Recently, a casual acquaintance asked when my partner and I planned to expand our family. I found myself hesitating, uncertain about how to respond. Personally, I avoid probing questions about family planning unless I share a close bond with someone, and even then, I choose my words carefully, opting for “if” or “should you decide” instead of “when.”
Since the birth of our first child, it seems we’ve been bombarded with this inquiry. I vividly recall people excitedly asking about our plans for a second child during my early days of motherhood. At that time, I felt a mix of disbelief and exasperation at their audacity. “When are you having more?” is certainly not the right question for someone navigating sleepless nights and constant feedings while trying to find their footing as a new mother.
As my son approaches his first birthday, the question has resurfaced more frequently. While I’ve gained clarity over time, I still don’t have a definitive answer. The thought of “more” no longer fills me with dread, but the timing of when we’ll feel ready to expand our family remains uncertain.
Experienced mothers have advised me that there’s a phenomenon of “forgetting” that occurs when contemplating adding another child. They say you tend to overlook the challenges of pregnancy, the pain of labor, and the difficulties of caring for a newborn, instead focusing on the joy of watching your child grow into a unique individual.
Motherhood has been a beautiful journey, and I cherish every moment of witnessing my son’s development. However, the prospect of having another child still feels daunting because I haven’t quite forgotten those intense experiences.
I still vividly recall the waves of nausea and the moments spent holding my breath as I navigated a world filled with overwhelming scents. I remember the embarrassment of unexpected vomiting, the persistent heartburn, and sleepless nights filled with anxiety about doctor’s appointments, all while hoping for a healthy baby. I haven’t forgotten the heartbreak of hearing stories from mothers who faced unimaginable losses.
Labor and delivery are experiences I can’t erase from my memory, nor can I forget the fragility of a newborn. Each ounce gained was a cause for celebration, and the sleepless nights of soothing a fussy baby were etched into my mind. I recall staring at my reflection, feeling lost, and grappling with the challenges of breastfeeding and the accompanying feelings of inadequacy.
Yet, I also remember the exhilarating moment I discovered I was pregnant. The joy of sharing that news with my partner and the thrill of keeping it a secret before announcing it to family and friends were monumental. I still feel the warmth of those early days, marveling at my growing belly and nurturing our child.
The first smile, the first laugh, and every step he takes fill my heart with pride and joy. I cherish the morning hugs and the profound love that has blossomed within me since becoming a mother. This deep love is something I never knew I was missing.
It is precisely because I haven’t forgotten these experiences—the good and the challenging—that I know I will be ready for another child someday.
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In summary, while the desire for more children is present, the readiness to embrace the challenges that come with it is still a work in progress.