Updated: May 18, 2020
Originally Published: Jan. 29, 2016
My husband, Mark, and I were oblivious to the emotional distance that had crept into our relationship. Over the past few years, we had gradually drifted apart, becoming mere shadows of the loving couple we once were. It reminded me of the time we took our aging dog, Bella, to the vet. We were taken aback when we discovered she had gained 30 pounds. Although we had noticed her size increasing, the change had been so gradual that we hadn’t realized just how unhealthy she had become.
Our marriage was undergoing a similar transformation. The subtle shifts had gone unnoticed, but they were undeniably impacting our bond.
In the early days of our relationship, friends affectionately referred to us as “America’s Sweethearts.” When we first met eight years ago, it was love at first sight—a concept I had never believed in until that moment. We were a perfect match, sharing tastes in food, literature, and music, along with a mutual vision for our lives. We had embarked on countless adventures together, including a three-week honeymoon road trip in our pick-up truck.
However, after the arrival of our first child, we bought a dilapidated foreclosure and spent countless hours renovating it. Balancing parenthood and a demanding mortgage left little energy for our marriage. Since the birth of our second child, we had only managed to carve out time for two dates.
One morning at breakfast, I jokingly mentioned giving Mark a kiss, and our 4-year-old son, Leo, burst into laughter. “You and Daddy don’t kiss!” he exclaimed, as if it were the most absurd notion. That moment hit me hard; it was a wake-up call to how much we had become like roommates instead of lovers.
Our daily routines rarely allowed for romance. Mornings were a blur; Mark would leave early to take Leo to school and go straight to work, while I cared for the baby. Evenings were chaotic, filled with dinner, playtime, baths, and bedtimes, leaving little room for connection. I often took on the dishwashing duty, happily telling Mark he should spend time with the kids since he hadn’t seen them all day. The truth was, I needed that quiet time alone, even if just for a few moments.
But then, the dishwasher broke. Faced with an overwhelming pile of dirty dishes, I felt a wave of exhaustion wash over me. Mark offered to help once again, and this time, I realized I needed to accept his assistance. “Yeah,” I finally admitted, “I could use a little help.”
As I stepped away from the kitchen and joined my family in the living room, we shared laughter and joy while giving the kids their bath. After nursing the baby to sleep, Mark read Leo a bedtime story. With the children tucked in, we returned to the kitchen—not to retreat into our devices but to tackle the mountain of dishes together.
At first, our dishwashing routine felt monotonous, but soon, our conversation flowed effortlessly. We shared stories about our day, laughing and reconnecting as we worked side by side. By the time we finished, the counters were spotless, and I realized we still made a great team.
That evening sparked something special. Although washing dishes isn’t as glamorous as a romantic getaway, it reminded me that love requires attention and effort. It’s easy to take a partner for granted, assuming they’ll always be there, but a lasting marriage demands adaptability and connection despite life’s challenges.
The next night, we followed the same routine after the kids were asleep, washing dishes and then diving into a 1000-piece puzzle. We laughed and shared stories late into the night, reigniting the love we thought we had lost.
As we continued to prioritize these small moments together, our relationship deepened in unexpected ways. Just yesterday, as we drove home from the science museum with both kids sleeping in the back, Mark streamed ‘90s music. We belted out the lyrics together, reminiscing about our teenage years without a hint of embarrassment.
Through this journey of rediscovery, we’ve transformed from mere roommates back into loving partners. Even Leo has stopped squealing when he sees us kiss. Our lives together are once again a thrilling adventure.
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In summary, dirty dishes may have sparked a renewed romance in our marriage, but it also taught us the importance of intentionally carving out time for one another amidst the chaos of life.