Parenting
I need to express something that’s been weighing on my mind. It’s a significant issue, and I believe it deserves attention.
Wouldn’t it be wonderful to exist in a society where men aren’t elevated for simply “assisting” in child-rearing? Imagine a world where fathers caring for their children isn’t viewed as something extraordinary but rather as a standard expectation.
I understand that our culture is still navigating the complexities of gender equality. We continue to fight for women’s rights in the workplace, recognizing that many women choose careers outside of traditional roles. Historically, men have been the providers while women took care of the home and children, which led to the misconception that men don’t partake in childcare. This division feels outdated, and I think we should have progressed further by now.
My partner and I share a happy marriage. However, during the workweek—from 6 a.m. to 5:30 p.m.—we manage our parenting duties as if we are single parents. Evenings and weekends are family time, but weekdays see me handling the morning routine: preparing breakfast, packing lunches, ensuring the kids brush their teeth, dress appropriately, and wear their shoes. I walk them to school, return home with the little ones, and engage in various activities like reading stories and putting them down for naps.
At 12:30, my partner takes over while the children are napping. He plays with them, sends them outside, and organizes playdates that can sometimes lead to a house full of kids (which can be a bit overwhelming!). He manages their homework, knows where their school papers go, signs their reading logs, and keeps track of their behavior reports. He also handles feeding the baby, changing diapers, and making sure the house is somewhat orderly before dinner, followed by cooking.
While I value his contributions immensely, it’s important to clarify: this is not extraordinary. It’s simply what being a parent entails.
People often express surprise at our division of responsibilities. “You’re lucky to have a husband who helps out like that,” they say. But I remind them that I’m not the only one who chose to have six children; this was a mutual decision. Absolutely, he should contribute so I can pursue my career as well.
My partner understands that my work makes me a better mother. This isn’t the case for everyone, and that’s completely fine. But for me, it’s true. He recognizes this and is supportive of my professional aspirations.
When he’s caring for the kids while I write essays that might not change the world, it’s not babysitting. Going out once a month with friends for book discussions that often lead to life chats isn’t babysitting either. Whether he’s preparing dinner or organizing paperwork while I steal a few moments of rest, he’s not merely “helping.” He’s actively parenting.
Friends, babysitters, and nannies help. Dads parent. It’s crucial we normalize this distinction.
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In summary, let’s move towards a future where parenting roles are equally shared and appreciated without the need for accolades. It’s time we recognize that both parents have a responsibility to their children.