Parenting and a good drink often go hand in hand. If you were a casual wine or beer enthusiast before kids, you likely find even more joy in those beverages now. There’s a special satisfaction in knowing that after a long day of negotiating with your four-year-old over a lost toy, a glass of budget red wine from the local store can feel like a luxurious treat from a vineyard in France.
For the parents who manage to navigate this journey without alcohol, I commend you. You’re practically mythical. However, for the rest of us, the witty parents of Twitter certainly understand the allure. From a glass of wine to ease the stress of homework help to a few beers to survive a child’s birthday bash, these clever tweets about parenting and drinking might just resonate.
1. Your child’s school would be extravagant.
Imagine the possibilities! If only Box Tops for Education could be collected from wine boxes, we could have top-notch facilities and gourmet meals in every cafeteria. Aim high, right?
2. Watch it, kiddo.
“Mom, isn’t it time to get more wine since you’ve drunk it all?” Kids sure know how to make you feel guilty about your choices, reminding you of the truth in their innocent way.
3. Be honest on those forms.
Let your true self shine through on school paperwork. Whether it’s merlot, cabernet, or chardonnay, embrace all the parenting shades.
4. The only way to survive those meetings.
The Parent Teacher Association might as well be called the Pain In The Ass. As the president drones on about fundraising, a cold beer would definitely make the experience more bearable. Don’t pretend you haven’t thought about it!
5. It deserves an Olympic medal.
Chasing a toddler at an outdoor concert while balancing a glass of wine? That should come with a medal for sure!
6. Common Core math should come with a bottle.
Ralphie eats two apples, Jenny eats six, a train is speeding toward you… and mommy needs more wine. Is there anything more deserving of a drink than trying to understand Common Core math? Absolutely not.
7. One tequila, two tequila, three tequila… how many kids do I have again?
A great margarita can briefly transport you back to a time when life was carefree. While we love our kids, a little escapism now and then is essential.
8. Those are the rules.
Initially, I felt a bit odd having so much wine and beer at my daughter’s first birthday, but the relieved looks from other parents confirmed I was on the right track. How else could we survive the chaos of a kid’s party?
9. Sounds like a balanced diet, right?
Fruit? Good. Caffeine? Great. Wine? Even better. It may sound cliché, but be honest—this has been the diet of many parents during challenging times.
10. Adele should definitely sing about this.
Three kids under four? We’ll gladly cover your wine expenses for the next decade!
This article was originally published on January 28, 2016.
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In summary, parenting brings unique challenges, but humor and a good drink can make the journey a little lighter. As we navigate the ups and downs of raising children, it’s clear that laughter—and a little wine—can help us through even the toughest days.