Pregnancy, childbirth, and motherhood are transformative experiences that significantly impact a woman’s life. When a woman becomes pregnant, she essentially dedicates her body to nurturing another human for approximately ten months, and often longer if she chooses to breastfeed. Throughout this period, her body undergoes numerous changes—her belly expands, her breasts grow, and various other physical transformations occur. These changes are not just physical; they also affect her emotions, thoughts, and even aspects of her personality as she embarks on the journey of motherhood.
During my own pregnancy, I noticed that the changes in my body seemed to give others the impression that they had the right to comment on my appearance. Suddenly, my body was a topic of conversation, open to remarks and even unsolicited physical interaction. While I appreciated kind comments like “you’re glowing” or “you look beautiful,” not all remarks were so thoughtful. Although I’m sure people don’t mean to be hurtful, the comments can often feel intrusive during such a personal time of transformation. After all, you wouldn’t comment on a non-pregnant woman’s body, so why make an exception for someone who is expecting?
For me, getting pregnant was a challenging journey. When I finally saw the beginnings of a baby bump, I wore it proudly. However, as the unsolicited remarks about my bump’s size began to roll in, I found myself unsure of how to react. I anticipated some comments, but nothing could have prepared me for the relentless barrage of opinions throughout my pregnancy.
As my due date approached, I became reluctant to leave the house, apprehensive about what comments awaited me. My son was two weeks overdue during an exceptionally hot summer. I felt uncomfortable and weary, and I certainly didn’t want unsolicited commentary about my body or my situation. I was tired of questions about my well-being and the endless suggestions for inducing labor. Trust me, I had tried them all. I simply wanted to be left alone, and I can’t be the only pregnant woman who has felt this way.
A Crucial Point
Here’s a crucial point for anyone considering commenting on a pregnant woman’s body: A woman’s body, whether pregnant or not, is not a subject for public discussion. Do not make assumptions about her size—just because her belly appears large doesn’t mean she is expecting twins. If she states she is not, refrain from responding with disbelief or comments about “a big baby.” No mother wants to ponder the idea of a gigantic baby while preparing for childbirth. Avoid using descriptors like huge, large, or massive when discussing her pregnant body. These terms are rarely welcomed.
Conversely, don’t comment if you think her belly looks small either. She might be dealing with concerns about the baby’s growth, and your words could exacerbate her anxiety. Your opinions on her size are irrelevant and unsolicited; she did not ask for your thoughts on her appearance or seek guesses about how far along she is. She certainly didn’t invite you to recount your own traumatic birth stories just before she is due, nor did she ask you to touch her belly. Would you rub her stomach if there wasn’t a baby growing inside? Most likely not, so it’s inappropriate to assume it’s acceptable simply because she is pregnant. And please, don’t remind her to “sleep now” because once the baby arrives, sleep will be elusive. She is already aware of this.
What to Say Instead
If you feel compelled to say something, keep it simple. Compliments like “you look great” or “congratulations” are always appreciated. A gesture like smiling or holding the door open for her can also be meaningful.
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In summary, it’s essential to respect a pregnant woman’s body and her experience. Unsolicited comments and physical contact can add unnecessary stress during what is already a significant transition. Consider offering genuine compliments or simply providing support through small gestures instead.