I hope you don’t mind if I call you Max. I must start this note with an apology. After seeing your performance in “The Revenant,” I finally understood the purpose of that man bun. I was a bit concerned about your scruffy, Jack Nicholson vibe for a while there, but it turns out it was all for the role. My bad for doubting you! I also feel like I have a better grasp of your affinity for supermodels now.
But the real reason I’m writing is to propose that you consider me as your date for the Oscars. Sure, I know you’re likely planning to bring your beloved mom, Irmelin, and she absolutely deserves that honor. I just thought it might be fun to throw my hat in the ring.
Why Me?
Why, you might ask, should you take a blogger reaching out like me? Well, I assure you, I’m perfectly sane. I’m on track to earn my master’s degree in marriage and family therapy by May, so I’m definitely not crazy!
While I may not be a model, I do have blonde hair, and though I’m not in my 20s anymore (I’m 33, but people often say I look much younger), I think that adds a certain charm. It’s amusing to reflect on how I used to think you were way too old for me when I was a teenager; now it’s just a strange realization.
I’m a fan, but not in a stalkerish way—trust me, I don’t have the time for that. I haven’t seen all your films (I still haven’t finished “Gangs of New York” due to a strange aversion to Cameron Diaz, even though I like her as a person). I did, however, watch “Titanic” eleven times in theaters, which might be a bit much, but I was a teenager then!
Reasons to Consider Me
To keep this concise, let me list a few reasons why I’d be a great Oscars companion:
- We both love hip-hop! I was thrilled to hear that Kanye West performed at your birthday party—definitely a shared passion.
- You enjoy dancing, and I could teach you a few new moves at the Vanity Fair after-party.
- My lucky number is 11, just like your birthday on November 11. Today happens to be the 11th too—what are the odds?
- I live in the same city as your friend, Jeremy Renner. Coincidence? I think not!
- I almost became a child actor once, landing a role in a P.J. Sparkles commercial when I was 8. If things had gone differently, we might have even more in common.
- I’m a Detroit Lions fan, despite being raised in California, while I know you have ties to the University of Michigan.
- I’m left-handed—maybe you find that intriguing and unique.
- I’m definitely more fun than the cast of “Jersey Shore.” I was heartbroken to discover that Snooki got to party with you while I did not. Just promise me you won’t end up partying with the “Teen Mom” cast; I couldn’t handle that!
But on a more serious note, there’s one crucial reason you should consider taking me to the Oscars. This is your moment. The stars have aligned for you, and while past nominations may have stung, this is the role you were truly meant to win an Oscar for. It has shaped you and taught you invaluable lessons. I’d love to be by your side to cheer you on and maybe even shush anyone who tries to drown out your speech.
Honestly, you don’t have to take me to the Oscars—I’d be just as happy to join you for a grocery run. I’m just a California girl, a wife, and a mother of two boys, who’s worked hard for my education and personal growth. What matters more is being a good person.
I admire how you maintain a low profile while advocating for the important issues in the world. Your efforts to save animals and protect our planet are commendable, and I can’t help but think, “Wow, he looks amazing doing it.” And hey, maybe I’ll get to join you at the Oscars after all!
Warm regards,
Mia
Additional Resources
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Summary
The letter humorously proposes a date to the Oscars, highlighting shared interests and personal anecdotes while expressing admiration for the recipient’s achievements and advocacy work.