I’m not an overly protective parent. I mean, I don’t even get off the couch to fetch my kids a glass of water anymore—“Just grab a drink from the sink! Mommy’s busy!” My approach to parenting is generally relaxed, and I consider myself an optimistic and open-minded individual.
So, it might come as a surprise that we typically don’t permit our daughters to attend sleepovers. When I say “typically,” I mean that we allow sleepovers only with a select few. Our small circle comprises trusted family and friends who have demonstrated their reliability in caring for our girls over the years. As it stands, they can sleep over only at their grandparents’ homes.
So far, this hasn’t presented much of a problem since our kids are still young. However, as my oldest daughter matures, the issue has begun to surface. Recently, my third-grader excitedly told my husband and me about a sleepover party being hosted by her friend, Lily. I had to explain that since we had never met Lily’s parents, a sleepover would not be happening. She was disappointed but managed to take it in stride, although she did emphasize her feelings with a few dramatic sighs.
Last week, when she handed me a birthday invitation from a girl I’d never heard of, I knew this was going to be a tough conversation. Once again, I had to explain that while I was fine with her attending the party for a few hours, I’d be picking her up later that evening. Her reaction was intense; she burst into tears and continued to cry for nearly half an hour, giving me the silent treatment afterward. My husband stood by my decision, much to her chagrin. It was a challenging night for all of us.
Later that evening, we revisited the topic of sleepovers. My husband reinforced that our primary responsibility is ensuring her safety. “It’s not about making sure she has fun,” he said. “If something were to happen at that party, I’d be held accountable.” I completely agreed, not just because I care about our daughter, but also because running a household requires two incomes, and I heard they only pay $0.50 per license plate in prison—a fee that wouldn’t even cover our streaming services.
I’m not suggesting that my girls will never experience the joy of sleepovers, where they’ll wake up someone else’s parents at 2 a.m. while watching classic movies. Instead, my current stance stems from the fact that, at their ages (under 13), I don’t believe they can accurately judge appropriate behavior from adults or teens. Until they reach a maturity level where I feel comfortable, I won’t let them sleep at just any friend’s house.
I understand that statistically, children are often at greater risk from family members than from strangers. However, I wouldn’t drop my kids off at just any relative’s house either. If I don’t know you well enough to trust you with my child overnight—despite having a child the same age—I won’t be leaving them in your care. Parenting is about balancing comfort levels, and right now, I find solace in knowing my girls are safe either at home or with their grandparents. If my intuition isn’t on board with a decision, the answer is no.
Interestingly, the parents hosting that sleepover turned out to be very understanding when I explained my decision. “That’s alright. Brooklyn isn’t comfortable with sleepovers either. Plus, Sophia’s parents are picking her up too, so she won’t be alone,” they said.
Who knows? Perhaps in the future, I’ll feel comfortable enough to drop my daughter off for a playdate or even a sleepover. But for now, I’ll enjoy tucking her in at home, where she can snuggle with her sisters while watching movies. And if I’m lucky, she’ll be the one explaining the lyrics of those classic songs to her friends.
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In summary, our decision to limit sleepovers stems from a deep concern for our children’s safety and well-being. While we understand the social aspects of childhood, our priority is to ensure they are in environments we trust completely.