Parenting Perspectives
By Emily Fisher
Punctuality has always been a core value for me. I pride myself on being the first to arrive at any gathering, whether it’s a social event or a sports practice. The wisdom imparted by my grandmother still rings true: “Being five minutes early is the same as being on time.” But everything changed when I welcomed my son, Max, who made his entrance into the world a week overdue and after a lengthy two hours of labor.
Max’s natural inclination to pause for every pebble on the sidewalk or to marvel at puddles during a rainstorm posed a significant challenge to my time-oriented mindset. His tendency to dawdle was amplified by developmental delays; as a toddler and preschooler, he frequently attended therapy sessions for speech and occupational skills, which meant our schedule revolved entirely around his pace. I meticulously planned our days down to the minutiae—laying out clothes, organizing the diaper bag, and packing snacks ahead of time. I set timers and offered constant reminders, but often, the urgency in my voice became a standard part of our morning routine, leading to more frustration than progress.
As Max grew older, I hoped that my diligent time management would eventually resonate with him. However, my expectations were met with disappointment. By the end of third grade, his slower processing speed became a significant hurdle academically, prompting his teachers to investigate. It turned out that Max’s brain simply does not relay signals as swiftly as mine or that of his peers. The act of processing and organizing thoughts and actions requires immense effort from him.
Equipped with this understanding, I knew I needed to modify my parenting style. However, the idea of allowing him the autonomy to navigate his mornings—potentially leading to tardiness—was daunting. I held tightly to my belief that he must learn to manage time more effectively.
As Max entered fourth grade, my morning mantra echoed in the house: “Get dressed. Eat breakfast. Grab your backpack. Don’t keep your friends waiting!” As he grew too big to carry, my encouragement morphed into threats, and coaxing often escalated to yelling. Our home felt like a battlefield, and both of us were left drained before the day’s adventures even began.
Then, life changed. I returned to work, and my responsibilities increased dramatically, leaving little room for me to attempt to alter Max’s behavior. I realized that he was becoming more independent and no longer required my constant guidance. Thus, I decided to approach my parenting of him in a new way.
Step one: I allowed him to be late for school.
One particular morning, I woke Max as always and stated, “We’re leaving at 7:45. You have until then to get ready.” At 7:40, he was still nestled in bed. I told him, “Your sister and I are leaving in five minutes. Just lock up when you leave. The school bell rings at 8:15. I’ll see you there.”
With the neighbors knocking at the door, eager to join us for the walk, we left without him. As we strolled the three blocks, I glanced back but saw no sign of him. After dropping off his sister, I headed toward the school gate, still without Max in sight. Just as I rounded the corner, I spotted him casually walking up the sidewalk—dressed appropriately, jacket on, and backpack in tow. For the first time in weeks, he was smiling.
As we passed each other, he leaned in, resting his head against me, and said, “I love you, Mom.” I replied, “I love you too, sweetie. Have a great day.” We parted ways, and remarkably, no one was late.
Now, a few months later, our mornings have transformed. Although they are slower, they are also much more harmonious. Max consistently arrives at school before the bell, managing his time without my interference. His teacher has implemented suitable accommodations for his special needs, fostering a positive and productive school day for him. I’m learning to embrace Max’s unique rhythm, understanding that some things simply take time.
For those navigating similar parenting journeys, you might find helpful insights in this article about supporting children with special needs. Additionally, this resource offers valuable information on pregnancy and home insemination.
In summary, allowing Max the freedom to manage his own time has not only eased our mornings but also empowered him to take ownership of his routine. Embracing his pace has led to a more peaceful family dynamic, confirming that sometimes, letting go is the best approach.