A few weeks ago, while I was at a mall store, I noticed a joyful couple seated on a bench outside. The man gazed at the woman with such tenderness that it captivated my attention. He had just given her a cookie, and I watched as she relished the first bite, offering him a taste that he graciously declined.
As I continued to observe them while checking out, I saw him reach over to tuck a stray hair behind her ear, a gesture that struck me as incredibly sweet. Their connection was palpable, and it was evident that they were lost in each other’s company, completely unaware of the world around them. The cookie lay forgotten in her lap as he brushed a crumb from her cheek, seemingly savoring every moment of their closeness.
As I left the store, I paused at the entrance to absorb this lovely scene, feeling a sense of longing and nostalgia. I couldn’t help but reflect on my own marriage. I realized that it had become more of a routine filled with practicalities—“Can you pick this up?” or “What’s for dinner?”—than a partnership filled with affection and romance.
Our relationship had slipped into a pattern more akin to a business arrangement, where my husband had inadvertently transferred his affection to our daughter, who was undeniably adorable. While I wholeheartedly support his bond with her, it left me feeling like a third wheel. It dawned on me that, like many couples, we had become so wrapped up in parenting that we had neglected to nurture our relationship.
I began to worry: What kind of example were we setting for our daughter? Would she grow up believing that love is merely about security and never about joy? That thought struck me harder than the recent memories of my husband’s discontent after arguments.
When we reached the car, my husband opened the door for our daughter and left me standing in the cold. It seemed he was unaware of my inner conflict. I got into the car, remaining silent while he sang with our daughter. Eventually, he asked, “What’s wrong?” I forced a smile and replied, “Nothing, dear,” as I joined in their song. This avoidance of conflict, particularly in front of our child, had become my default, despite knowing it wouldn’t help our situation.
In that moment, I resolved to stay committed to improving our relationship. I choose to appreciate that I married a man who can love so deeply, and I believe he can also extend that love to me. He likely doesn’t realize how neglected I feel, as I often keep my feelings to myself for the sake of harmony.
I also recognized that I had fallen into the societal trap of trying to be the ideal wife and mother without communicating my needs to my husband. The first step is to ask him what he needs from me, and then share my own needs with him. After all, neither of us can read minds.
I am determined to be the kind of partner I want our daughter to aspire to be. I will inquire about his day, offer small gestures of affection, and strive to look at him with the same warmth I desire in return. I believe this approach will lead to positive changes in our relationship.
If you found this article insightful, you might also want to explore our other blog on at-home insemination kits for more information on parenting and family planning.
In summary, it’s essential for couples to intentionally nurture their relationship, even while raising children. By communicating openly and actively engaging in each other’s lives, partners can rekindle their love and set a positive example for the next generation.