Parenting
Something’s Not Right with Our Son
by Emma Thompson
Updated: July 12, 2017
Originally Published: Jan. 3, 2016
I recently took my six-year-old son, Oliver, to the doctor. He is an adorable child, with limbs that seem to grow longer by the day.
He appears healthy on the outside.
Yet, as I sat in the examination room, tears streamed down my face as the doctor validated my concerns about him. “Many parents are reluctant to acknowledge their child’s unusual behaviors,” she explained. “They often assume their child will simply grow out of it, but that’s rarely the case in these situations.”
“But why are there so many new diagnoses now? It feels like everyone has one. What happened to kids with these issues 50 years ago?” I asked.
“Fifty years ago, they learned to cope in unhealthy ways. They found methods to manage, and by adulthood, you might have seen them as the quiet janitor who drowned their sorrows in a six-pack every night. Our ability to diagnose these conditions has significantly improved.”
I started crying again. When Oliver returned to the room, he looked at me with curiosity, and I told him how much I loved him. My heart is heavy with love for him.
Oliver has always had intense reactions during bath time or haircuts, screaming as if he’s in agony. It’s as if a part of him simply shuts down, leaving me unable to comfort him.
These episodes are becoming more frequent, and it frightens me. He rarely speaks in larger groups and becomes utterly overwhelmed when there’s any shift in our routine. If two people are engaged in conversation, he covers his ears and cries, “It’s too loud!!” leading to a meltdown I can’t seem to pull him out of.
Sometimes, when I walk into a room and try to engage him, I tell myself it’s just because he doesn’t want to listen to me as his mother.
His teacher said last fall, “There’s something noticeably different about him, and it’s crucial we address it sooner rather than later.”
My husband often describes Oliver as being “on edge,” even though he appears outwardly calm. A mother in denial and her seemingly serene child is the perfect combination for serious anxiety or sensory processing issues to go unnoticed.
I think I’ve always sensed that something might be off, but honestly…I didn’t want to confront it. There, I’ve admitted it.
I didn’t want to know.
I mean, it’s perfectly normal to pass by a playground and see one small figure in an orange jacket wandering alone, right?
Absolutely normal.
Oliver has a tremendous heart; he is adventurous and finds beauty in the simplest things. He never wants to stray too far from me, and he can turn a piece of scrap paper into a perfect cube in no time. He can visualize his entire room’s layout and, when he guides me in moving the furniture, it always works out just as he imagined.
I feel a deep ache for my son because I understand how isolating it can be to grow up with anxiety and OCD. If I could take that burden from him, I would in a heartbeat, but I don’t know how to help him. The thought of evaluations, therapies, and diagnoses terrifies me. What frightens me even more is the possibility that he might reach a point where we can’t connect with him at all.
Perhaps I’m a terrible mother who should be cast aside with others who struggle in parenting, consuming their own mistakes. Maybe I’d be adding to the greenhouse gas emissions from my neglect, but not caring is why I’m in this situation anyway.
Or perhaps I’m just a mother trying my best.
Maybe “doing my best” means facing the spotlight, feeling vulnerable and afraid of answers I don’t want to hear.
Maybe “doing my best” involves, despite my fears, dialing that number scribbled on a post-it note.
Maybe “doing my best” means clearing the tears from my throat when someone answers the line, stating my name and doing what’s right for my son.
This article was originally published on Jan. 3, 2016.
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In summary, being a parent brings a myriad of challenges, especially when faced with the possibility of your child having anxiety or sensory processing issues. Acknowledging these concerns and seeking help is crucial, even when it feels daunting. All any parent can do is strive to do their best and advocate for their child’s well-being.