Recently, I brought my two kids to visit a friend’s house before heading to work. As she opened the door, her welcoming words were, “Pardon the chaos.” The living room was filled with toys, books, and blocks scattered in a delightful disarray that only children can create—a scene I was all too familiar with from my own home.
While I can’t speak for my friend, I often find myself saying “pardon the chaos” when guests arrive, feeling a twinge of embarrassment about my own home’s untidiness. It’s a phrase I use when I’m acutely aware of how far behind I am on cleaning, especially when I imagine other people’s homes being spotless—even the areas that rarely see a broom. Cleaning behind toilets, anyone?
My friend, however, radiates confidence and practicality, likely not feeling the same self-consciousness I do when I mention the mess. But if she does, or if you ever feel that way when friends come over, I want to share my thoughts upon entering her home.
Before even stepping inside, I felt an overwhelming sense of gratitude that she would be looking after my children while I focused on my writing career. I appreciated having an adult to converse with, and I was thankful that her wonderful boys would include my kids in their imaginative play. No amount of clutter could alter my warm feelings toward her.
Once inside, I felt embraced by a sense of belonging; she was inviting me into her life, mess and all. The people I cherish most are those who see every facet of my existence—sweatpants, unkempt hair, and yes, the dishes piled up in the sink. I can truly let my guard down around them.
I aspire to share this openness with more people, but if I’m honest, my pride often gets in the way. It creates an invisible barrier, protecting me from the fear of judgment regarding my messy home or my post-pregnancy wardrobe. It seems trivial, but it’s a reality I face.
When another mother allows me to see her disordered home, it feels like a sincere compliment. I am genuinely honored and wish she knew how much I respect and admire her for it. So, if you are a mom and I come to visit your home, remember: a little mess is perfectly normal. You’re not alone in this journey.
We’ve all been there, so embrace the chaos. There’s no need to apologize for it.
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Summary:
In this article, I reflect on the comfort found in a friend’s messy home and the gratitude for shared moments amidst the chaos of parenting. It’s a reminder that we’re all in this together, and there’s beauty in embracing imperfections.