As we stood in a lengthy line under the sweltering June sun, waiting to enter the auditorium for our youngest child’s middle school graduation, I felt a wave of dread wash over me. This was the fifth time we were doing this, and the dismal crowd was overwhelming. Just as the line began to crawl forward, I caught sight of someone in front of us—a family member against whom we had a restraining order for harassment. In that instant, we made the decision to step out of line and take a stroll around the block. We found ourselves in a nearby pub, enjoying refreshing drinks and choosing to prioritize our emotional well-being over this event. Our son, Evan, never realized we weren’t there.
While this may paint us as thoughtless parents, it’s important to recognize that not every milestone holds the same significance. The belief that “every milestone matters” is a common misconception. We didn’t share our absence with Evan; we are not unkind. After the ceremony, we met him outside, snapped some pictures, and made sure to celebrate the key moments. But the graduation itself? I couldn’t understand why it was even necessary. These days, parents tend to overly celebrate trivial events. Graduating from high school or college is indeed noteworthy, but leaving kindergarten or middle school? It’s just the beginning.
I know I’m not the only one who feels this way. There’s been a recent pushback against the overindulgence of today’s children. Many kids receive trophies just for participating. They’ve seldom ventured out alone or made their own lunches, let alone spent a day without hand sanitizer or sunscreen. Parenting websites and bloggers frequently discuss this trend—just search for “helicopter parent” for a glimpse into this ongoing debate.
Raising a child, especially more than one, is no small feat. Sometimes, parents need to cut themselves some slack. This might mean skipping the curated bento box lunches or the elaborate birthday treats. Maybe it’s enough to celebrate the end of the school year with a simple ice cream cone or pizza night instead of a grand party. For my husband and me, that moment of saying “no” came when we decided to step away from the graduation line after that disheartening sight. The pressures can be overwhelming, and it’s okay to prioritize our own mental health.
In our case, we’ve provided a balance of support for our kids, combining indulgence with tough love. We’ve attended as many events as possible and ensured their needs were met. So far, we’ve managed to guide four out of five children into productive lives. The graduation we skipped didn’t seem to matter; it occurred without us, and our absence went unnoticed. The world didn’t end.
If that isn’t a relief from parenting pressures, I don’t know what is.
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In summary, choosing to skip a seemingly significant event can sometimes be the right decision for parents. The pressures of parenting are immense, and it’s important to remember that our well-being matters, too.