Every parent has those cringe-worthy memories of childhood, like being coerced into hugging a stranger at a family gathering. For many, the discomfort of those experiences lingers, which is why I choose not to force my children into physical affection with anyone.
I firmly believe that children should have the autonomy to refuse physical contact when it makes them uneasy. This approach aligns with a growing movement in modern parenting that emphasizes bodily autonomy. It’s essential for children to have a voice in determining their own boundaries.
In a recent article by Julia Bennett, the topic of teaching children about consent and autonomy was explored. While Bennett acknowledges the principles behind this practice, she expresses concern that it may lead to feelings of isolation in children. She states, “I was taught that our duty to others is sometimes shown through our physical presence.”
However, that’s precisely the mindset that I, and many other parents, aim to challenge. I don’t want my children to feel obligated to show affection to anyone—be it family, friends, or future partners. Their bodies are theirs to control, and it’s vital that they learn when and how to express affection according to their comfort level.
While it may seem trivial, teaching kids not to hug or kiss on command empowers them with the ability to say no. This lesson in consent extends to more serious issues, such as abuse prevention. As reported by the National Sexual Violence Resource Center, statistics indicate that one in four girls and one in six boys will face sexual abuse before turning 18. Experts advocate that establishing boundaries and encouraging children to assert their discomfort can help shield them from harm.
Consider an adult scenario: walking into a room and being told to hug a stranger. You’d likely feel uneasy, and rightfully so. Just as we wouldn’t impose such demands on adults, we shouldn’t do so to children either.
Being someone who doesn’t naturally embrace physical affection, I don’t impose that expectation on my kids. Instead, I encourage them to express themselves authentically—whether that’s through a handshake, high five, or simply a wave. It’s crucial for them to engage in a manner that feels right for them, fostering both confidence in their boundaries and respect for others.
As children are individuals, they should be treated as such.
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Summary:
In the realm of parenting, fostering bodily autonomy in children is vital. Refusing to force kids into unwanted physical affection teaches them the importance of consent and personal boundaries, which can be life-saving lessons. By encouraging children to express affection on their terms, we empower them to cultivate confidence and respect for themselves and others.