There comes a moment in every parent’s journey when they experience the unexpected: your child suddenly feels too embarrassed to share a goodbye kiss in public. “Please, Mom,” she pleads, “do you have to do that here?”
In disbelief, you take a step back as your daughter rushes to join her friends, leaving you pondering this sudden change. A whirlwind of thoughts floods your mind: Does she still care for me? Is she ashamed to be seen with me? Has she distanced herself from our bond?
The truth is, she absolutely still loves you. At this stage in her life, she just doesn’t want her friends to see the affection she still holds for you. Reflecting on your own childhood memories, you realize this is a standard part of growing up. So, why not embrace the change? Put on your brave face and consider a little retail therapy—perhaps a trip to Target—while your daughter enjoys her time with friends. Later that evening, she might lean in for a quick kiss once the coast is clear. And you know what? You’ll gladly take it.
Since beginning middle school three years ago, my daughter’s bus stop has been conveniently positioned right in front of our home. I would walk her down the driveway, plant a kiss on her cheek, and wish her a great day. Last year, she told me I didn’t need to walk her to the bus anymore. I was perfectly okay with that—still in my mismatched pajamas, half-awake, I could wave goodbye from our front door as the bus rolled away.
However, this year brought an unexpected twist. As I leaned in for our customary kiss, she quickly turned, offering me only her cheek before dashing out the door without a word. What was happening? Maybe she was just having a tough morning. But when the same thing occurred the following day, it hit me: My teenage daughter was no longer comfortable showing affection in front of others. Even though it was merely the bus driver and a few kids, she was conscious of her feelings and didn’t want to feel embarrassed.
As a parent of a child with special needs, I have faced my share of challenges related to autism. Yet, there’s a silver lining: I’ve often avoided many of the trials associated with typical teenage life. My daughter doesn’t crave trendy clothes or the latest smartphone. She doesn’t beg me to attend concerts or sleepovers, nor does she engage in the typical teenage rituals of gossip, selfies, or the latest boy crazes.
This situation is bittersweet. On one hand, navigating life with a teenager with autism means I’m spared the drama and expenses that come with standard teenage life. On the other hand, I can’t help but feel a pang when I hear other moms discussing concerts their daughters are excited about or parties my daughter wasn’t invited to.
Standing in the doorway, still processing her sudden rejection, I contemplated what it all meant. Isn’t this the typical behavior of a teenage girl when her mom tries to kiss her goodbye in public? After a moment of reflection, I reminded myself of the realities: Of course she still loves me. At this age, she just wants to maintain a facade of independence in front of her peers. I remember feeling the same way at her age. It’s a natural part of development. So, I donned my metaphorical big-girl pants and decided to treat myself to a little shopping spree while she headed off to school. I had faith that later, when the kids were out of sight, she would be willing to offer me a kiss. And you know what? I’m grateful for that.
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In summary, witnessing my daughter’s reluctance to show affection in public was a bittersweet moment. It marked her transition into adolescence, a phase filled with changes in social dynamics and self-awareness. While I felt a pang of sadness, I also celebrated this normal part of growing up, knowing that our bond remains strong beneath the surface.