It’s curious how people often perceive me as someone who has everything under control—organized, confident, and effortlessly juggling motherhood with writing and household responsibilities. From an outsider’s perspective, it seems like I’m raising three children, maintaining a tidy home, and crafting stories without breaking a sweat.
What they don’t witness are the daily struggles I face. Parenting can often feel like trying to navigate a yacht through stormy seas without any prior experience. While others celebrate my writing accomplishments, they are unaware of the setbacks I endure alone.
Sure, I carve out moments to write, read, or embrace some downtime, which may lead people to believe I possess extraordinary abilities. But in reality, I’m just a mom.
What Being “Just a Mom” Means
Being “just a mom” doesn’t equate to losing oneself completely in the role of motherhood. In fact, it signifies the opposite. To me, being just a mom entails:
- Ensuring my kids are safe and healthy.
- Dressing them appropriately for the weather (though matching outfits are not a priority).
- Providing nourishment and promoting sufficient sleep.
- Guiding them to become responsible and well-adjusted individuals.
That’s my primary focus. While some mothers take on a multitude of additional roles, that’s not my approach.
- I am not a chauffeur. In truth, I don’t drive, and I’m often too tired to shuttle my kids to after-school commitments.
- I am not a teacher. While I value education and taught my children to read, I rely on formal schooling for their learning. I oversee their homework, but they must tackle it independently.
- I am not a gourmet chef. I enjoy cooking for myself and am quite skilled at it, but I’m just as content offering my children hot dogs or pre-packaged meals. Sometimes they make dinner choices, other times I do—it really depends on how I feel.
- I am not a housekeeper. I do laundry and clean, but maintaining a spotless home isn’t high on my priority list. I encourage my kids to tidy up after themselves and instill in them the importance of chores so they can manage on their own someday. We also have a cleaner who helps us weekly.
- I am not a mind reader. It’s not my responsibility to always know what my children want or need. I won’t dwell on their behavior or worry about long-term effects; there are more pressing matters at hand.
- I am not a detective. I’m not responsible for locating lost items or solving sibling disputes. If something gets misplaced, that’s a lesson for them to learn.
- I am not a playmate or entertainer. The kids have toys, games, and friends to keep them occupied. They can also enjoy YouTube or play on their iPads.
By embracing the idea of being just a mom, I free myself to pursue my passions outside of motherhood, such as writing, reading, and socializing.
I recognize that some women thrive on the all-consuming nature of motherhood. They genuinely relish in crafting art projects, driving their children to various activities, and orchestrating Pinterest-worthy events. For some, being a stay-at-home mom is a noble sacrifice, while others view it as a joyful choice.
For me, however, that’s not enough. After years of internal conflict over this, I’ve come to accept that I am just a mom—and that is more than sufficient.
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Summary
Being a mom doesn’t mean sacrificing your identity or taking on every role. It’s about ensuring your children’s well-being while also allowing space for personal passions. Accepting that being “just a mom” is enough can lead to a more balanced and fulfilling life.