As we walk into the playground, your child excitedly exclaims, “Mom, look at her!” You quickly hush him, pulling him close and quietly reprimanding him. Later, in the grocery store, when he spots my baby in the cart and asks, “Why is that baby so red?” you instinctively cover his mouth, ushering him away without a backward glance. In the library, your children freeze, staring wide-eyed at my daughter, and I see the panic rise in your eyes as you try to divert their attention elsewhere.
I experience these moments nearly every day. I hear the questions, see the pointing, and catch the whispered remarks.
I hear you, I see you, and I feel it all deeply. It’s disheartening when you attempt to “hide” these interactions from us. I understand your embarrassment, but as fellow parents, we are both doing our best and fiercely love our children. When you conceal these obvious conversations happening right in front of us, it feels like you are distancing yourself from our family. What starts as a small gap due to your child’s curiosity can transform into a significant divide that no one dares to cross.
What do I wish you would do instead?
I long for open conversations.
I wish you would bridge that small divide by engaging with us as you would with any other family in the playground rather than making it wider by treating us as unapproachable. When your child points and exclaims, I hope you would respond with, “Yes, look at that little girl. She seems to be having a great time playing, just like you!”
If your child asks, “Why does she look like that?” I wish you would answer honestly: “I’m not sure, but remember, everyone looks different, and that’s what makes us unique.” Encourage your child to say hello and ask my kids’ names. If your child is inadvertently rude, a simple apology goes a long way: “I’m sorry. We’re still learning how to ask questions respectfully.” A compliment like, “Your daughter is adorable! How old is she?” can also help bridge the gap.
Above all, I wish you would discuss differences more openly. Read to your child about various kinds of differences, from wheelchairs to birthmarks, from Down syndrome to skin disorders, and from racial differences to glasses. The goal is for your children to understand that if they have questions about someone’s appearance, they can ask you later, privately, to avoid hurting anyone’s feelings. After all, how we treat each other matters more than how someone looks.
So, the next time we meet, I hope you don’t shy away. Keep the conversation open rather than retreating as if differences should be feared. Instead of creating a steep divide with a “Do Not Look At or Talk To” sign, let’s turn this into a positive opportunity for your child to learn respect and appreciation for physical differences.
For more insight on parenting and navigating these conversations, check out our blog on couples’ fertility journeys. Additionally, if you’re interested in learning more about workplace protections, visit Workplace Protections. For excellent resources on pregnancy and home insemination, the CDC is a great place to start.
Summary
This piece emphasizes the importance of open dialogue about differences, especially concerning children who may look different. It encourages parents to engage rather than shy away from conversations that could foster respect and understanding. By bridging the gaps that often arise from curiosity, families can promote a more inclusive environment for everyone.