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Parenting
By Jenna Thompson
Updated: April 5, 2018
Originally Published: Dec. 11, 2015
The “rage clean” — it’s that moment when what was once a perfectly fine day suddenly spirals into a frenzy of scrubbing and organizing. You’re vacuuming away, minding your own business, when you stumble upon a rock your child dragged in days ago and left on the floor. At first, it didn’t bother you, but now it’s just one more piece of debris in an already chaotic household. Ignoring it means risking the chance of vacuuming it up, and that’s not exactly appealing. As you kneel to pick it up, you begin to notice everything else that you’ve overlooked.
And that’s when it hits you: the mess is driving you to the brink.
Fingerprints on the walls, dust on picture frames, toys spilling from under the sofa, crumbs nestled in the couch cushions, scuff marks on the stairs, and is that — oh great, there’s strawberry jam on the windowsill? And an ant? It better not be one of those little monsters.
It’s time to get down to business. No, not that kind of business — keep your thoughts clean! This isn’t going to be a pleasant experience for anyone involved.
Before you know it, you’re muttering some well-chosen expletives under your breath. Family members are retreating to corners, trying to avoid the wrath of the cleaning tornado. They’ve seen this before.
You’re a force of nature, ripping through Magic Erasers and wiping down baseboards with a ferocity that says you own this space — because you do. And if anyone dares to stand in your way while you scrub the countertops with vigor, they will be steamrolled.
Every cleaning cloth becomes a casualty, and the fancy steamers that only come out during these frenzies are working overtime as you tackle a ten-year-old stain on the carpet. Who cares if it’s labeled “scrub-free”? You are determined to make it clean today.
With each room you conquer, your intensity rises. Your voice gets louder, and your grip on the Swiffer tightens to the point that you could snap it in two. You feel an overwhelming urge to move the fridge and clean behind it, or you might just lose your mind. And no, you don’t need any help — thank you very much.
During this cleaning storm, you possess the strength of ten men. When you reach the bathroom, be prepared — that’s when things get serious. Cleaning a toilet during a rage clean is no small task.
Let it all out. There’s no holding back when you’re angry and cleaning. What better way to channel your frustration than by scrubbing the heck out of the stove, vowing that it will be the cleanest surface ever to roast a chicken?
As you start tossing items into a garbage bag, you can’t help but strategize your way out of explanations for why you’ve disposed of a few treasured toys. Discretion is not on the agenda during a rage clean.
You might not remember how you got here, but you’re too deep into the chaos to care. And it feels good. Really good. Revel in that reckless abandon, that “I don’t care if I scrub paint off the wall” mentality.
You crave that gleaming reflection in the kitchen sink. You’re determined to make every doorknob shine. Nothing can stop you now. Your mind races with ideas for what to tackle next. You will clean until you can’t stand, until your nails are broken, and you’ve resorted to borrowing your partner’s favorite shirt because you’ve used every cloth and sponge in the house.
There may have been shouting and tears, and you might have taken a trip to a dark place. But from one cleaning warrior to another: You’re feeling better now, aren’t you? And hey, look at your sparkling home! You could practically serve a five-star meal off the toilet seat.
Great job, mama.