Our family has chosen not to participate in the Santa Claus tradition. It’s not that we have anything against the iconic figure; it simply doesn’t resonate with us. We enjoy watching films that feature Santa (those Tim Allen movies always make us laugh), and we happily share the history of St. Nicholas with our children. However, we don’t engage in the typical Santa customs: no cookies and milk left out, no naughty or nice lists, and no presents attributed to the jolly old fellow.
I completely understand and respect that many families embrace the Santa tradition—it’s a cherished part of Western culture. My concern arises when people inquire about what Santa has brought my kids for Christmas. This often happens with strangers in public places, like at the grocery store or while checking in at a hotel. While I appreciate the friendly intent behind these questions, the assumptions they carry can be a bit irksome. First, it presumes that we celebrate Christmas, and second, that we partake in the Santa myth. Is it because I fit the typical profile of a white mother in America? It feels presumptuous.
I realize many people don’t consider these nuances. After all, a significant number of Americans celebrate Christmas, and a large portion of parents participate in the Santa tradition. However, I would never assume that everyone I encounter subscribes to the same beliefs.
What truly troubles me about these Santa inquiries is how they put my children—especially when they are young—in uncomfortable positions. It may seem like an innocent question, but it carries the weight of nostalgia and warmth, often leading to an awkward silence when my kids reply honestly that we don’t do Santa. Their truthful response can seem like a letdown, as if they’ve disrupted a pleasant interaction.
My children tend to be shy, making interactions with strangers already challenging. When faced with the question, “What did you ask Santa to bring you for Christmas?” they struggle to provide an answer that doesn’t disappoint the questioner. I’ve witnessed the surprised reactions of adults when they hear our answer, followed by an uncomfortable pause, and my kids inevitably feel responsible for the awkwardness. It’s a tough lesson for a 5- or 6-year-old to navigate. They often look to me for guidance, and I find myself stepping in to clarify, keeping things light: “Oh, we don’t actually do Santa,” and then I quickly pivot the conversation. I’d prefer to let them speak for themselves, but it creates an odd dynamic.
All this could easily be avoided if people refrained from making assumptions about others. I’m not suggesting that we shy away from holiday-related conversations altogether. There are plenty of questions that can be posed without underlying assumptions, like, “Do you have any special plans for the holiday break?” You can even refer to it as Christmas break if that’s meaningful to you; this phrasing doesn’t impose any expectations on the listener. In contrast, asking, “What did you ask Santa to bring you for Christmas?” is laden with assumptions.
This is a simple request. I know that discussions around “Merry Christmas” versus “Happy Holidays” can be contentious, and many people hold the Santa tradition dear. However, it’s essential to recognize that numerous families—including those who celebrate Christmas in every other way—choose not to incorporate Santa. By making assumptions, you might inadvertently create an uncomfortable situation for both yourself and the child you’re engaging with.
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In summary, while the Santa tradition brings joy to many families, it’s vital to consider that not everyone participates in it. Being mindful of the questions we ask can help avoid awkward moments and foster more inclusive conversations during the holiday season.