By: Emily Carter
Updated: Dec. 7, 2018
Originally Published: Dec. 8, 2015
I recently attended a baby shower for a dear friend whose younger spouse is expecting their first child. At a table filled with her college friends, all embarking on their paths into marriage and family life, the young woman next to me was shocked to learn I have four children. “I can’t imagine being a mother right now,” she joked to her companions, then turned to me with curiosity. “What’s it really like?” she asked. “What’s it like to be a mother?”
“It’s wonderful,” I replied. “It’s challenging, but incredibly rewarding.” She beamed at my response before shifting her focus to the mini-muffins on the table. But in truth, I hadn’t fully captured the essence of motherhood. As she looked away, I reflected on the real answer—one I would share if there were enough time and words to convey the depth of the experience of being a mother. Here goes.
The Complexities of Motherhood
To be a mother is to constantly feel as if you’re not giving enough while simultaneously feeling overwhelmed by the demands of parenting. It means dedicating all your time and energy to another person—nurturing, feeding, and transporting them to various activities—only to be plagued by guilt over what you’re unable to accomplish.
To be a mother is to agonize over decisions. It’s spending hours selecting a back-to-school backpack, debating the best combination of peas and carrots, or determining which early music class might be the most beneficial. It’s feeling guilty if your child’s apple isn’t organic or if her shampoo doesn’t contain all-natural ingredients. It’s visiting multiple grocery stores to find dinosaur-shaped chicken nuggets because their happiness is everything to you.
To be a mother is to be acutely aware of the vast poverty in the world, yet still feeling guilty that the color of sneakers your child wants isn’t available in his size. It’s recognizing how much your children have while still yearning to provide them with more. It’s carrying the weight of guilt for what you can’t give them, even when they don’t truly need it.
Empathy and Understanding
To be a mother is to empathize deeply with another mother’s suffering. Before becoming a parent, I would feel sadness for a mom with a sick child, but now it’s unimaginable. I feel their grief in my bones. I cry for them, and their pain lingers within me. I sometimes let my thoughts drift to the darkest scenarios, imagining if it were my child in a similar situation, and the thought crushes me.
To be a mother means gaining a profound respect for parents of children with special needs. You live with an underlying fear of childhood illnesses, rare diseases, and severe food allergies, always lurking just beneath the surface.
The Joys of Motherhood
To be a mother is to experience the surreal joy of looking into your child’s eyes and seeing a reflection of yourself. It’s reliving childhood through their experiences, rediscovering your love for fairy tales, superheroes, and even remembering the flavors of your favorite childhood treats.
To be a mother is to rise and fall with your child’s achievements and failures. It’s celebrating and cheering with every goal scored, every successful dismount, and every moment of triumph.
To be a mother is to finally understand what your parents meant when they said, “It hurts me more than it hurts you.” It’s being angry yet still loving your child unconditionally. He will always be your baby, no matter how old he gets.
The Weight of Responsibility
To be a mother is to yearn to save the world while feeling helpless when faced with images of children drinking contaminated water or living in refugee camps, then forgetting that weight under the pressures of daily life.
To be a mother is to crave solitude only to realize how much you miss your children when they’re away. It’s enjoying a “girls’ night out” while inevitably discussing your kids. It’s talking about potty training in a bar while dressed in heels, sharing photos of your children with strangers—even the ones you might have previously dismissed.
To be a mother is to question your beliefs about the afterlife because the idea of spending eternity without your child is unbearable.
To be a mother is to lose your temper over trivial matters, to yell too loudly, to utter harsh words, and then feel guilty later. It’s discovering that you can indeed survive on just a few hours of sleep, a lunch of Pirate’s Booty, and a three-minute shower. To be a mother is to strive to do the right thing even when there’s no “right” way to parent.
And to be a mother is to comprehend that profound love people speak of—the soul-crushing, all-consuming love for your child that nothing prepares you for and nothing can compare to.
Conclusion
But the reality is, I couldn’t fully convey to her what it’s like to be a mother because the answer varies for each individual. The journey of motherhood is unique to every woman. So, if she were to ask me again, I would still simply respond, “It’s wonderful.” And I would hope that one day she’s fortunate enough to discover the true essence of it herself.
To explore more about becoming a parent and the journey of motherhood, check out this insightful post on fertility boosters for men, which can be found at Make a Mom. Additionally, for those interested in learning about infertility, Womens Health offers excellent resources, and for a deeper understanding of home insemination methods, you can visit Intracervical Insemination.
Summary
Motherhood is a complex journey filled with joy, challenges, and profound love. It involves constant self-reflection, decision-making, and empathy for others. Each woman’s experience is unique, and while the essence of motherhood can be difficult to articulate, it remains a deeply rewarding journey.