For any parent of a high school sophomore or junior, it’s clear: the SAT is undergoing significant changes. While there has been much speculation about what this latest version of the Scholastic Assessment Test will entail, the true nature of the exam won’t be revealed until anxious students flip open their test booklets in March 2016.
According to the College Board, the organization responsible for this widely used college admissions test, “The SAT evaluates the reading, writing, and math skills acquired in school that are essential for success in college and beyond. It provides both students and colleges with an understanding of how well students can apply the critical thinking, writing, and study skills necessary for coursework in higher education.” Yet, does this really reflect how prepared 16- and 17-year-olds are for life outside the classroom? Will a score truly indicate readiness for independent living at a university that doesn’t come with a parental safety net? Perhaps the College Board consulted some moms in crafting the new test, leading to questions like these:
A kitchen trash can is overflowing. What is the best course of action?
- a) Ignore it.
- b) Wait for mom to handle it.
- c) Use your strength to take out the full bag, tie it up, toss it outside, and replace it with a fresh one.
- d) This problem has no solution.
There’s only one square of toilet paper left when Sibling A enters the bathroom. What’s the likelihood that Sibling B will have toilet paper for their next urgent need?
- a) 100%
- b) 0%
- c) Pi
- d) Depends on how near mom is to the bathroom.
Student A’s soccer uniform is dirty and has a foul odor. With another game tomorrow, what method will ensure the uniform is clean?
- a) Mitosis
- b) Mom’s keen sense of smell will trigger her laundry instincts.
- c) Student A must learn to operate the washing machine and do it themselves tonight.
- d) Fairies.
Teen B has an array of devices, including an iPhone and a laptop that boasts vastly superior computing power compared to Apollo 11. What are the chances that Teen B knows how to run the dishwasher at home?
- a) 100%
- b) 0%
- c) Hydrogen bonds
- d) None of the above.
There are two juice boxes in the fridge and 24 more in the basement. When three siblings need juice for after-school activities, how long will it take them to sort this out?
- a) 2 minutes
- b) 10 minutes
- c) 60 minutes
- d) Time is irrelevant since the ensuing argument over who has to fetch the missing juice box will lead to everyone being grounded, and they’ll end up with water bottles instead.
The human body sheds 30,000 to 40,000 dead skin cells daily. At this rate, how frequently should bed sheets be changed?
- a) Daily
- b) Weekly
- c) Never
- d) Sheets? What sheets?
If the Spanish Club’s annual Fiesta is on Friday, what’s the probability that Julia will have purchased all the gluten-free churro ingredients by Thursday at 10 p.m.? Is this probability the same, higher, or lower than the chance she’ll ask her mom to prepare and fry the churros?
- a) Same
- b) Greater
- c) Less
- d) None of the above – Julia completely forgot about the churros.
If these questions resonate with you, it might be time to seek out a SAT tutor.
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Summary:
The article humorously critiques the SAT by imagining if mothers had a hand in its design, presenting a series of relatable, everyday scenarios that reflect the practical skills teens need in real life. From dealing with household tasks to managing sibling interactions, the piece highlights the gap between academic readiness and everyday life skills.