I noticed the disapproval in her glance. The urgent care physician attending to my 2-year-old son, Max, clearly disapproved of his behavior. After handing me a prescription, she turned to him and sharply said, “We say excuse me!” My unease grew as she questioned where he learned to shout “Hooray!” instead of the polite “excuse me.” I felt a wave of guilt wash over me.
Max is undoubtedly spirited. Some might label him strong-willed, but I like to think of him as someone who is always on the move—literally and figuratively. He began asserting “I can do it” long before he could properly articulate his thoughts. He’s perpetually busy, as if his day is filled with important engagements. He rarely listens to me, which means I’ve resorted to some strategies to capture his attention that sometimes backfire—like the incident with the doctor. I stuffed the prescription into my bag and hurried away, feeling a mix of failure and hurt. That doctor defined my son in a single moment, but Max is so much more than that.
I prefer to view Max not as “strong-willed” but as “goal-oriented,” because he is always headed somewhere—often without me. This perspective highlights a positive trait in his personality. However, those who have raised spirited children understand the challenges, from disapproving doctors to judgmental strangers in the grocery store, and even family members. It feels like everyone is ready to label and intervene as if they know better.
Reframing the Labels
Yet, what if we flipped the script on these labels? What emerges when we reframe our perspective?
- My son isn’t disobedient; he’s independent.
- He isn’t aggressive; he’s confident.
- He isn’t outspoken; he’s vocal.
- He isn’t a troublemaker; he’s brave.
- He isn’t emotional; he’s expressive.
- He isn’t selfish; he’s determined.
- He isn’t strong-willed; he’s powerful.
Sure, Max has put his hands on his hips since he was 9 months old, and yes, he can be loud and dramatic when things don’t go his way. His boldness on the playground can send even bigger kids running. Waiting in lines? Not a chance. An outfit mismatch? Unacceptable. And let’s not even discuss “time-outs”—I’m sure our neighbors can hear him from a mile away. He may be challenging, but he’s also remarkable. Beneath the surface lies a child learning to manage his emotions—a child like Max, who is constantly absorbing so much that he often feels overwhelmed.
It’s easy for observers to forget that a 2-year-old doesn’t act with malice. Strong-willed kids aren’t trying to be difficult; they’re simply learning to navigate the world around them. Observing this is truly inspiring.
Next time you see a spirited child, take a moment to listen and watch closely. You might witness that child confidently stepping into their first day of preschool, ready to embrace new experiences. They’ll approach peers and teachers with a self-assuredness that rivals their principal. When faced with peer pressure, their determination will shine through. Yes, he’s strong-willed; he’s powerful. This child is destined for greatness.
Thank you for the prescription, doctor, but as for your advice regarding my son’s behavior? No thanks—we’ve got it under control. Please don’t judge us or label my son. He’s thriving, and he’s so much more than that brief interaction you witnessed.
If you’re interested in related topics, check out this post on couples’ fertility journeys, and for more insights, visit CDC’s excellent resource on infertility. For lactation support, you can explore this authority on the subject.
Summary
Raising a spirited child can be challenging, and often leads to judgment from others. However, by reframing negative labels, we can recognize the strengths of these independent and confident children. They are navigating life in their unique ways, and it’s essential to appreciate their potential and resilience.