If you have an aging parent facing health challenges and live far away, you may find yourself in a familiar yet frustrating situation during a phone call:
“How did your doctor’s appointment go?”
“Fine, I suppose,” your parent replies.
“Did the doctor provide any insights? What’s the issue?”
“I’m not entirely sure. I think more tests are needed.”
“And the previous tests? Any results?”
“Not yet.”
“Why? Are they still processing them?”
“I don’t know. I didn’t really catch what the lady said.”
“What lady? The doctor or someone else?”
“Maybe she was a nurse.”
“What was her name?”
“Um, something like Barilla? Like the pasta.”
“So what’s next?”
“I have no idea.”
These conversations can be heart-wrenching, particularly when you’re miles away. I’ve experienced this with both my grandparents and now my parents. Despite my attempts to connect through calls and letters, HIPAA restrictions often prevent me from obtaining any useful information. My family members are left in limbo, awaiting their next appointments to find clarity, yet they go to these appointments alone.
As the leading edge of the baby boomer generation, my parents are part of a demographic wave, while I belong to the “sandwich generation.” This group of Gen Xers often finds themselves juggling the responsibilities of raising young children while also caring for aging parents. The looming eldercare crisis, as noted by researcher Ai-jen Poo in her insightful book The Age of Dignity, highlights the impending need for assistance as the population of older adults grows. Many of these individuals may require minimal help—like cooking and cleaning, transportation, or companionship to medical appointments—while others may need extensive support, including round-the-clock care.
Unfortunately, our current healthcare system doesn’t adequately support seniors who wish to remain in their homes. The Centers for Disease Control defines “aging in place” as the ability to live safely and independently in one’s own home and community, regardless of age, income, or ability level. However, while doctors can prescribe a limited number of home visits, there’s a lack of resources for seniors needing ongoing care. If your mother needs daily check-ins to ensure she’s bathed, fed, and taking her medications, she often receives no assistance.
Poo outlines various solutions already implemented in other countries. For instance, in Japan, individuals aged 65 and older can apply for benefits and receive assessments, allowing them to qualify for different levels of care. This approach acknowledges that the process of aging can be a lengthy and gradual challenge that cannot be remedied by just a few home health aide visits.
In the U.S., some communities are developing innovative solutions to the aging-in-place dilemma. The Brookings Institution recently highlighted the concept of “villages”—networks of support for seniors that resemble intentional communities while allowing individuals to remain in their homes. These nonprofit organizations, funded by member dues, offer services such as transportation, social events, wellness services, and assistance with various tasks—from moving furniture to grocery shopping. While not widespread, they exist in urban and suburban areas, and there are several in Washington, D.C.
To better support older adults, we need significant systemic changes that prioritize dignity and fair wages for eldercare workers. In the meantime, resources like the Village to Village network, which operates in my parents’ state, can offer practical help, including services like a “medical notetaker.” I’ll definitely keep that in mind.
In conclusion, as we navigate the complexities of supporting our aging parents, it’s crucial to explore available resources and advocate for necessary changes in the eldercare system. For those interested in family planning and fertility options, you can find useful information at Make a Mom or learn from Andy and Sarah Thompson’s fertility journey at Intracervical Insemination. Additionally, News Medical provides excellent insight into pregnancy and home insemination.