November 18, 2015
Reflecting on my approach to parenting, I can’t help but feel I’ve opted for the more challenging route. For example, if we get into an elevator and my kids neglect to greet the other passengers, I give them “the look” and launch into a 10-minute discussion about courtesy. Sure, I could choose to overlook their lack of consideration and simply reinforce positive behavior, but I find it hard to turn a blind eye to ungratefulness. Each day, I’m committed to ensuring my children understand the importance of empathy and respect. Below are ten principles that require significant effort but hopefully foster the development of respectful individuals.
1. Embrace Reality in Competition
I don’t sugarcoat the outcome when my child loses a game. While I strive to be gentle, the reality is that competitions often have winners and losers, and it’s essential for my child to grasp that concept. If you’re new to parenting, I encourage you to explain this truth. Avoid the trap of giving every child a trophy for participation; this undermines the value of genuine achievement.
2. Selective Art Display
Not every artwork makes the cut for our fridge. While I recognize the importance of creativity in my children’s lives, I draw the line at poorly executed pieces. If my daughter hands me a few scribbles and expects it to be treated like a masterpiece, that’s a hard pass.
3. Birthday Party Vetting
Before I agree to attend a birthday party, my child must present a convincing case. I ask probing questions: How long have you known the birthday child? What do they like? How often do you interact? Have you ever argued? Would you buy them a gift? The last question helps gauge their enthusiasm for the event.
4. No Coercion Around Food
I never force my kids to eat. I avoid phrases like, “If you don’t eat this, then…” as I fear it could lead to a negative relationship with food. I do establish rules: this is what’s for dinner, and if you don’t want it, you have the option to skip the meal.
5. Simple Lunches
I don’t engage in elaborate lunch-packing. This isn’t a criticism of those who do; I simply lack the creativity and motivation for it. No train-shaped sandwiches here!
6. Tech-Free Times
We have designated “no electronics” periods to prevent my kids from tuning out and entering a zombie-like state. I choose times when everything electronic is off-limits, but I often find myself hiding from the ensuing chaos.
7. Imaginary Play is Encouraged
I don’t dissuade my boys from engaging in pretend war games. My daughter plays with dolls while my sons create adventure scenarios with toy soldiers. Our home is a blend of glitter and Nerf guns, complete with pillow “bombs” and the occasional My Little Pony takeover.
8. Bribery as a Tool
When my kids are acting up and guests are about to arrive, a well-timed bribe can work wonders. I make it clear that if they mention the bribe, the deal is off. They quickly learn it’s better to cooperate for the reward.
9. Discussing Difficult Topics
When sensitive subjects like death arise, I believe in having an open conversation. After the passing of a public figure, my child had questions, and I chose to engage in a mature discussion. Avoiding such topics isn’t healthy, and kids often appreciate honesty.
10. The Three-Minute Rule
I’ve learned that the first and last three minutes of a child’s day are crucial. I start their day gently, asking about their breakfast preferences and any exciting plans. At night, I check in with, “Is there anything on your mind?” This small effort often leads to meaningful conversations.
Despite the theories suggesting that “kids will learn on their own,” I’ve encountered too many rude adults and teenagers. Therefore, I will continue to instill values in my children, hoping they will apply these lessons in real-life situations. Ultimately, the goal is to cultivate decent human beings. Now, excuse me while I teach my 10-year-old why it’s inappropriate to demand breakfast like a waiter!
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Summary
Raising respectful and empathetic children is a challenging but rewarding endeavor. By setting clear expectations around competition, creativity, and communication, parents can foster a sense of responsibility and kindness in their kids. It’s essential to maintain a balance between discipline and love, ensuring that children grow into decent adults.